Old enough to know but too young to care

Hm
I really don't have anything I feel like posting about
other than, if you saw me laughing in the hallway today (XD)
it was about
"My locker was being a total dick!"
(please, don't try to understand)
...
oh!
and
I wrote this poem one night really fast for my English homework
and, well
I like how it turned out
think of it what you wish.

Guilt
Out of desperation, we act upon impulses
What a horrible move on our part
Our decisions leaving us worry free for a time
Then, all of a sudden
It hits harder than before
Eating at your thoughts
Preventing even the simplest tasks
Is there any escape from this torture?
Sure, we can blame others
To lead our minds from the truth:
We are the only ones to blame
Soon enough, the feeling builds
Taking over
Feeling as though there’s no other way out
We confess
And though it’s a wonderful feeling to be freed from such a curse
We can’t help but have our minds wander
Back to that time
Which we can never take back

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

And let me know that you'll be here when I am gone...

Know what?
lately, I can't tell which way my life is going
in the sense, I just can't choose between one thing or the other
Friends or Softball?
Fun or Homework?
Lying or Being too truthful?
French classes or Flute lessons?
A new band or Another CD by one I know I'll like?
Band camp or Wasting my summer?
Something productive or Blogging? (I'm only half kidding)
Every little decision seems to have made itself into something massive
appearing to change my entire life if I somehow choose wrong
and it seems to be that is what happens the majority of the time.
I mean, there's so much I want to do!
I want to take up another instrument, learn another language, take another trip, compose another song
there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it.
and it's killing me on the inside
my parents keep telling me that I don't seem to have my priorities in place
and I guess most of the time, I don't
but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy with what I do
I love spending time with my friends outside of school
I love arranging songs with Finale
I love learning Spanish and attempting to teach myself French
I love my flute and piccolo
I love my huge library of music
I love having friends who I can cry to
I love wearing my glasses
I love being open about how much of a nerd I am (Did you just say Runescape?!?!?)
I love being comfortable as myself
I love letting my room get so cluttered that no one else can find anything (but I can still find everything right away)
I love not knowing what's going to happen next when I'm with certain people
I love sharing stale M&Ms and a-la-carte cookies with Tori on the bus, along with the random arguements we end up in that just seem to always get us strange looks from both our busdriver and Sam no matter what
I love knowing my positive aspects, as well as the negatives
I love getting strange looks when I laugh out loud at the things in my head.
I love having just a few people who understand me
I love randomly drifting off during class or when I'm playing Audiosurf
I love letting my creativity flow in the millions of random notebooks I own (with my "happy pens")
but it seems like I just can't commit enough time to any or all of them to make it worthwhile in the end.
and its just so DAMN FRUSTRATING
*sigh*
I have no clue what I'm doing anymore
oh well
off to my portfolio!

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

And he can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

Sooo
I've decided.
I'm probably never ever ever ever ever EVER gonna post regularly anymore
Not like I have recently anyway =P
It just takes too much time to blog
and too much concentration
plus, I just have a problem remembering to do so
oh yeah
and the fact that 1) I suck at writing and 2) My life is boring
the end.
well, here's something significant, I guess
my iPod's finally full
to the point that I actually have to choose what I want to put on there now
which is quite a pain, I hope you all know
because I'm one of those people who get really connected to everything I have
Like, I could hate a song
and then think "well, maybe I'll like it someday"
or the opposite, where I liked a song and I don't really like it anymore
but I remember all the times I wanted to listen to it however long ago
it's strange
o.O


XD
did I ever mention the wear-spot I have on my space-key on my keyboard?
it freaks me out everytime I notice it
it just feels so strange, all the rest of the keys have this rougher texture
and then there's this random smooth part
XDDDDDD
told you my life was boring!
XP


SO!
it was my birthday tuesday
and I guess it was okay
til the whole, "my mom's such a fucking bitch" stuff came back up
I mean, I swear to God
she YELLED at me on my BIRTHDAY
who the fuck does that?!?
cause I got really frusterated at my lesson that day
and we ended up in intensive care cause I felt really sick
and she got all mad cause i was crying in the car on the way to the doctor's office
BITCH
let me cry if I'm in a bad mood
you dont see me telling you what to do
then she tried to make it all better and appologize
....
who the hell did she think she was talking to?
really?
really?
because you dont just yell at someone and expect them to just accept your appology a minute later!
especially me
for gods sake.
it just pisses me off
and it also ruined my whole birthday
so way to go for that, mom.

On a lighter note
i loved my presents from my friends
Lika: got me this two liter of DP and a pack of Oreos
geez! she knows me better than i do!
Jessie: Drew me this awesome version of Mayday Parade's "A Lesson In Romantics" Album artwork, and i think i freaked out once i knew what it was. I love that album! XD.
Tori: An ala-carte cookie (this is just between us, i dont want to explain that), and she said she has something else too but its at her house or something
Warren: Nothing. XDDDDD. With his current pattern of gift giving, i bet ill get mine some time in May or so. (no offence XD)
so that brightened me up, even with everything else that happened. I seriously think i lucked out on my friends ^.^

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

To sum up this past however long, all i really feel like i need to say is "=/"

theres too much stuff going on in my life right now
i cant focus on anything
no matter how hard i try
it really frustrating, you know?


lets see...
oh!
guys, its march today!
how awesome!
i love march
not just cause of my birthday, though =P
also because that means its getting close to summer!
winter in wisconsin just seems to get old quick, doesnt it?
i mean, for the first week or so, everyone runs around going
"yay, it snowed! it snowed! maybe we'll get a snowday!"
but then it starts to ice over, and it gets so cold you cant even go outside anymore without wanting to die, and theres always the nasty slush in parking lots and on curbs.
i hate that stuff the most >.<
i swear, the day before christmas
my mom took me last minute shopping, right?
well, i was getting out of my car at that best buy down near mayfair mall
and literally, i stepped in a pool up to my knee
it was the grossest thing ever
almost as bad as the feeling in my shoes afterwards
at least the snow levels havent been as bad lately
and we had that one really warm week last month where it actually rained
oh
wait! didnt that happen more than once?
i dont know
...

DANG
contest is in 3 weeks!
and i havent practiced my solo in about 2!
...
im screwed =/
im also in about 6 things this year
out of the max. of 10
ohh boy
lets see
woodwind choir is really easy
its a B this year
im really mad
i think we're way better than that
i dont know what level the wind ensemble is
but i hate it
with a passion
i think im burning it after we perform
no joke
i hate it that much
flute choir
we've only had 3 practices out of the last 6 that we could actually do
and were getting introuble for not being where we should be...
ITS NOT OUR FAULT!
our quartet is pretty good
and me and taylor need to practice our duet more
and thats about it
we get the schedules soon
so i hope to god im not doubled up on anything
cause then ill just scream.

i pretty much own on mono for audiosurf
i beat most of the songs that i play
yeah, im getting good
im just too lazy to learn the game with more than two colors
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?