But we don't understand anyway....

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my best friend?
In case I haven't, I love you Melissa.
=D
So, I was just kinda sitting around and felt like reading her blog.
Then I quoted it once.
So she decides to look up her name and start quoting all this stuff I said year(s?) ago.
And I totally don't remember saying any of that.
Even without hitting my face on the concrete...(most definitely a story for another day)
But it's kinda like, where did my awesomeness go?
I don't talk like that anymore.
And I kinda miss that.
You know, the days back when I could say "Oh, I didn't use capitalization or an apostrophe? Fuck it, I don't care."
Now it's more of "AHHHHH CRAP I FORGOT THERE ARE NO As IN DEFINITE!!!! GAHHH OMFG IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"
Ah, sometimes I wish I could go back in time.
There are so many things I miss.
Like, 8th grade band.
Or 7th grade in general.
Or back when we would all just go to Village Park after school and sit on the swings.
Or the Dollar Store raids where we would end up with $15 of junk each and think it was totally worth it.
Or when we used to play our instruments together for the hell of it.
Or the Kitty Notebook.
Or Rockband Parties.
Or last Homecoming.
Or the stupid seatbelt joke.
Or Australia.
Or adventures. (This is probably the single worst thing about everyone getting their driver's licenses.)
Or the last day of school.
Or last year's Summerfest.
Or Target.
Or biking to the movies. ("Wow, your pants are really tight!" "....")
Or having random chatrooms that always turned out to be the highlight of my week.
Or arranging songs that I had convinced myself that we would play together someday.
Or the grassy knoll.
Or New Years.
Or "Say no to blowjobs!"
Or the Bop-It.
Or all the movies we saw together.
Or the state game (Especially the bus ride there: "Holy shit, we picked the lucky bus! We just got through the railroad crossing when it was going down, and the last few lights!")
Or Falls Fest.
Or the trivia contest.
Or playing for Tori's church.
Or Heroes parties.
Or HYH.
Or jam-sessions.
Or eating ramen at 2 in the morning.
Or that one day everyone showed up at my house and we started playing Rockband.
Or baking that cake for Sam, then realizing it would be too far to walk it to him and going to Aron's instead. (Looking back on it, I think we made the right decision)
Or that one day we all went to the Majestic.
Or when I was obsessed with Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy.
Or the day after Christmas.
Or Brookfield Square.
Or that day Jessie brought me McDonalds for breakfast.
Or plastic-wrapping Hemant and Warrens' cars.
Or Marco and Warco.
Or last Halloween.
Or back when we were all fine without being in relationships.
Or "How was Quinten/Clark last night?"
Or Minnesota.
I look back on all those things and wonder:
"In a few years, will I wish I could go back to now?"
I don't think so.
It's kind of sad, but I feel it's true.
I just don't know what's happened to me, but I miss the old days, the old me, the old us.
I want them back.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

You're far too phony to fake it.

Well, hey blog.
It's been a while hasn't it?
A long while.
Probably because I've convinced myself that no one really cares enough to read what I think.
Or something to that extent...

But then, the real questions are:
Why the hell am I posting now?
Why not just leave it be?
R.I.P., blog?

Well, I felt obligated to.
Someone has to, goddamnit!

Also, it's not like I have anything better to do today, anyway.
It's just another weekend, same as the others.
Leanne has her soccer tournaments,
I'm stuck here alone,
and no one is online because it's before noon =P.
I hate being alone.
I guess I have a mild (?) fear of it.
I mean, I freak out sometimes.
Why would I want to sit alone unless I had a good reason?
I'd rather be out doing something meaningful to myself, at least.


Thinking like that only makes me want to get my license more.
Because, guess what? I finally had my 15.5 birthday!
On Thursday!
Yay, right?
I know you're excited, 'cause I am.
My driver's-ed class starts next week
and I guess I'm a little nervous,
mostly because I really hope I know someone that I can stand in that class.
If not, I guess I'll have to suffer for the next 5 weeks.
It should all be worth it in the end.

GAH
I'm crying a lot more lately, too.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I losing it?
Is it from the pain of getting my teeth pulled?
Or is it because everything seems to be falling apart just when I was getting myself together?

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Everyone's changing.
Everything's changing.
It makes me miss early summer.
Or 8th grade.
Or 7th grade.

The only good thing that has come out of this new school year
is that Leanne and I are almost close.
She didn't even fight when we had to sit next to each other on the bus.
And, even more, we had a normal conversation.
We still fight sometimes, but I feel as though we're actually making progress towards something.
I don't know.

I feel as though something has to be done today.
I can't just sit here.
Like, some project, or practicing, or working towards something, or cleaning.
Or biking?
My brain just keeps telling me there's something to do.
Will I bother to?
We'll just have to see, won't we?

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

I was so lost, but now I believe.

Yeah
Hey, blog
What's up?
It's been quite a while.

To start with, exams.
Sucked so much this year.
So.
Much.
Gah.
The exams themselves, not the general time in school.
Buuuuuut,
I aced most of them (A- in English)
and I got As in most of my classes (A- in Honors Science [an impossible class], P in FLS [would have been an A, but i took the class Pass/Fail, so whatever])
And comparing this year to last year
I know so many more people in my grade.
And, it's not so much the knowing part, but I'm actually starting to like a lot more people.
Which is a good thing, I guess.
I'd gladly give examples, but there's something else on my mind.

Any guesses what it may be?
Well, I'm not in a great mood right now.
I was thinking again about how my friends treat me.
And a decent amount of the time, I end up with the answer "like crap"
A good example of this was yesterday.
I was supposed to go to Walgreens with Tori, because I said I wanted to buy more nail polish (that happens sometimes, =D)
So know what happens?
She invites Jason.
Of course.
Of course.
I guess I was just being stupid thinking that it could just be us two for something like that.
Guess I was wrong.
I hate so much being the third wheel, and that ALWAYS happens to whoever is with them.
I'm starting to get really sick of it.
Oh well. Aaaaaaaaaanyway.
Somewhere on the way there, we were all talking.
And I swear, one of them said to me,
"You are buying us something, right?"
I swear, my mind kind of went "WHAT?!?"
How many times have I had to buy anything for those two?
Especially Tori.
She owes me well over $200 by now.
And she should know that.
But, keeping that in mind,
Think of how many times THEY'VE bought me anything.
Almost never, if at all.
And I already know what their excuse would be.
"Stop being so selfish/materialistic!"
But, seriously.
I like doing things for myself, too.
Not just other people.
Know how much money I spent last Friday?
Somewhere around $50.
And want to guess how much I spent on myself?
Let me do the math.
$50-$10 (for Warren's hair dye)=$40. $40-$5 (for the toothbrushes)=$35. $35-($31-$8) (for the pizza, minus the money Tyne gave me for her and Tori)=$9.
$9 for a whole fucking day, that's all I spent on myself
the other $41?
For everyone else.
That's for everyone who calls me selfish.
And if you do, fuck you.
Because I'm really getting sick of this.
No more.
I'm not spending money on people who don't appreciate me.
Not anymore.
(I'm not even bringing up the whole birthday thing again)
Actually, I seriously want anyone who owes me money to finally pay me back.
Because I'm so damn sick of never having anything left for myself.
(I'm down to $18 now.)
And if you need to know how much you owe me, seriously talk to me.
Because I rarely forget.
And this whole thing is really starting to piss me off.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

And there was no sunlight

...
nothing like kicking a person when they're down, eh?
"oh sorry, we're only going until 7:30 today"
bull fucking shit
I don't buy that
I put off my plans because I seriously thought there was going to be practice today
I really just want to say,
"oh! you all got me!
real fucking funny
you really suck at lying, all of you
you might as well have said
"'oh, hell. we decided we don't fucking need you.'"
I mean, calling from Jason's phone?
couldn't have made it much more obvious that it was just a lie
and, then, even
it's wasn't my fault it went so short anyway if we were only going to be there for 2 hours or whatever
if you weren't trying to be selfish, you would've remembered that
instead of "needing extra practice"
and I even bet that after that, everyone went to the band concert without me too
whatever
i really don't want to hear it
liars always pissed me off.

and the kicking someone when they're down part?
yeah
none of you would fucking get it
but one of my friends who I haven't been really close to for a while
something horrible happened to someone in her family
but none of you would care, huh?
I've been crying almost all day today because of it
my heart has literally been hurting because of how bad it was
and i promised not to talk about it with anyone
but it hurt like hell to keep it in
i ended up telling my mom
obviously, she didn't really get it
it'd be difficult
i still don't really believe it
but i guess i feel a little better about it
hardly
I was sitting in my room a little after I got home
and i was thinking (and still crying, a little)
I don't really know if I have anyone who would do what I've been doing for me if I were in that situation
I just really don't.
It made me consider different decisions I've been making lately
Many haven't been great
at all
I've never been great with decisions.
I'm going to work on that.
Starting with my priorities.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

This, our second chance, is blown

Whoa
New Quietdrive CD came out, I guess
thats pretty cool, though
cause theyre coming to summerfest on the 4 of july
and they're playing with anberlin, even!
If they aren't headlining, I'd love to go!
as a matter of fact, I'd go anyway!
but thatd be just more of a pain
if you didn't know, I'm grounded
my parents are a pain
*sigh*
oh, and WS tryouts were this week
I think I did okay
a lot of people really don't know how they did
I even asked Katie Woger, and she thought she didn't do well
but we all know she's probably gonna make it
cause she's Katie, and that's what happens.
I think it's posting on monday
I already promised to call Sky as soon as school's out to tell her how I did
but it'd suck if it were bad news
a lot
I hate giving bad news

I don't know why, but everything seems to be moving faster and faster lately
I'm trying to keep up, but it's so difficult
I have too many things I want to do
and so much that I'm expected to do that gets in the way
I can kinda sympathize with adults in that way
Having to give up something you want for something you're expected to do
It takes a lot out of a person
For the first time in my life, I really can't wait for summer
completely
school, be done already!

oh, know what else?
hm, a little about me:
I can't lie
I hate when I can't tell people's motives
I forget almost everything
I'm good with birthdays
Music is about the only thing that can calm me down
My eyes change colors with my moods
I think I look really stupid when I cry
I know what I have to do in order to be successful, I just don't have the motivation
I overanalyze everything
I can tell it's going to be a good day when certain songs come on when I'm on the bus in the morning
I miss free time
I really don't like to listen to girl singers. The higher pitch bugs me.
When I get bored, I do math in my head. Most of the time, it's either factoring stuff or imagining different outcomes when using 3, 5, and 7 (adding, multiplying, whatever)
And I REALLY hate it when people treat me like I'm stupid.
That's all
Later, blog.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

*sigh*

Why, hello there ^.^
Happy 100th post
sorry it took so long XD
I've been busy
with (preparing) wind symphony tryouts
and spring break
and hanging out
and being sick
and whatever else
...
oh yeah, and softball
and while I'm talking about it
may I say here that I'm sure as hell not planning on doing it again next year
1) I value my free time
2) I don't want to come home feeling gross everyday
3) Fuck running
4) I miss taking the bus home with Tori
5) I'm sick of most of the people on the team
6) I hate being told what to wear whatever days we have games (fuck that, that's half the time!)
and the list goes on and on
so you can see
why I'm aggravated

Also, for the first real time ever
I'm really glad that school's almost out
I'm sick of this huge homework surge that comes with the end of the year
and being so tired that my brain doesn't work right anymore
and answering half the questions asked to me with "huh?"
it makes me feel retarded
which isn't fun all the time
especially not when I know the answer
I just kinda want it to be done and over with
now.


______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

Old enough to know but too young to care

Hm
I really don't have anything I feel like posting about
other than, if you saw me laughing in the hallway today (XD)
it was about
"My locker was being a total dick!"
(please, don't try to understand)
...
oh!
and
I wrote this poem one night really fast for my English homework
and, well
I like how it turned out
think of it what you wish.

Guilt
Out of desperation, we act upon impulses
What a horrible move on our part
Our decisions leaving us worry free for a time
Then, all of a sudden
It hits harder than before
Eating at your thoughts
Preventing even the simplest tasks
Is there any escape from this torture?
Sure, we can blame others
To lead our minds from the truth:
We are the only ones to blame
Soon enough, the feeling builds
Taking over
Feeling as though there’s no other way out
We confess
And though it’s a wonderful feeling to be freed from such a curse
We can’t help but have our minds wander
Back to that time
Which we can never take back

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

And let me know that you'll be here when I am gone...

Know what?
lately, I can't tell which way my life is going
in the sense, I just can't choose between one thing or the other
Friends or Softball?
Fun or Homework?
Lying or Being too truthful?
French classes or Flute lessons?
A new band or Another CD by one I know I'll like?
Band camp or Wasting my summer?
Something productive or Blogging? (I'm only half kidding)
Every little decision seems to have made itself into something massive
appearing to change my entire life if I somehow choose wrong
and it seems to be that is what happens the majority of the time.
I mean, there's so much I want to do!
I want to take up another instrument, learn another language, take another trip, compose another song
there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it.
and it's killing me on the inside
my parents keep telling me that I don't seem to have my priorities in place
and I guess most of the time, I don't
but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy with what I do
I love spending time with my friends outside of school
I love arranging songs with Finale
I love learning Spanish and attempting to teach myself French
I love my flute and piccolo
I love my huge library of music
I love having friends who I can cry to
I love wearing my glasses
I love being open about how much of a nerd I am (Did you just say Runescape?!?!?)
I love being comfortable as myself
I love letting my room get so cluttered that no one else can find anything (but I can still find everything right away)
I love not knowing what's going to happen next when I'm with certain people
I love sharing stale M&Ms and a-la-carte cookies with Tori on the bus, along with the random arguements we end up in that just seem to always get us strange looks from both our busdriver and Sam no matter what
I love knowing my positive aspects, as well as the negatives
I love getting strange looks when I laugh out loud at the things in my head.
I love having just a few people who understand me
I love randomly drifting off during class or when I'm playing Audiosurf
I love letting my creativity flow in the millions of random notebooks I own (with my "happy pens")
but it seems like I just can't commit enough time to any or all of them to make it worthwhile in the end.
and its just so DAMN FRUSTRATING
*sigh*
I have no clue what I'm doing anymore
oh well
off to my portfolio!

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

And he can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

Sooo
I've decided.
I'm probably never ever ever ever ever EVER gonna post regularly anymore
Not like I have recently anyway =P
It just takes too much time to blog
and too much concentration
plus, I just have a problem remembering to do so
oh yeah
and the fact that 1) I suck at writing and 2) My life is boring
the end.
well, here's something significant, I guess
my iPod's finally full
to the point that I actually have to choose what I want to put on there now
which is quite a pain, I hope you all know
because I'm one of those people who get really connected to everything I have
Like, I could hate a song
and then think "well, maybe I'll like it someday"
or the opposite, where I liked a song and I don't really like it anymore
but I remember all the times I wanted to listen to it however long ago
it's strange
o.O


XD
did I ever mention the wear-spot I have on my space-key on my keyboard?
it freaks me out everytime I notice it
it just feels so strange, all the rest of the keys have this rougher texture
and then there's this random smooth part
XDDDDDD
told you my life was boring!
XP


SO!
it was my birthday tuesday
and I guess it was okay
til the whole, "my mom's such a fucking bitch" stuff came back up
I mean, I swear to God
she YELLED at me on my BIRTHDAY
who the fuck does that?!?
cause I got really frusterated at my lesson that day
and we ended up in intensive care cause I felt really sick
and she got all mad cause i was crying in the car on the way to the doctor's office
BITCH
let me cry if I'm in a bad mood
you dont see me telling you what to do
then she tried to make it all better and appologize
....
who the hell did she think she was talking to?
really?
really?
because you dont just yell at someone and expect them to just accept your appology a minute later!
especially me
for gods sake.
it just pisses me off
and it also ruined my whole birthday
so way to go for that, mom.

On a lighter note
i loved my presents from my friends
Lika: got me this two liter of DP and a pack of Oreos
geez! she knows me better than i do!
Jessie: Drew me this awesome version of Mayday Parade's "A Lesson In Romantics" Album artwork, and i think i freaked out once i knew what it was. I love that album! XD.
Tori: An ala-carte cookie (this is just between us, i dont want to explain that), and she said she has something else too but its at her house or something
Warren: Nothing. XDDDDD. With his current pattern of gift giving, i bet ill get mine some time in May or so. (no offence XD)
so that brightened me up, even with everything else that happened. I seriously think i lucked out on my friends ^.^

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

To sum up this past however long, all i really feel like i need to say is "=/"

theres too much stuff going on in my life right now
i cant focus on anything
no matter how hard i try
it really frustrating, you know?


lets see...
oh!
guys, its march today!
how awesome!
i love march
not just cause of my birthday, though =P
also because that means its getting close to summer!
winter in wisconsin just seems to get old quick, doesnt it?
i mean, for the first week or so, everyone runs around going
"yay, it snowed! it snowed! maybe we'll get a snowday!"
but then it starts to ice over, and it gets so cold you cant even go outside anymore without wanting to die, and theres always the nasty slush in parking lots and on curbs.
i hate that stuff the most >.<
i swear, the day before christmas
my mom took me last minute shopping, right?
well, i was getting out of my car at that best buy down near mayfair mall
and literally, i stepped in a pool up to my knee
it was the grossest thing ever
almost as bad as the feeling in my shoes afterwards
at least the snow levels havent been as bad lately
and we had that one really warm week last month where it actually rained
oh
wait! didnt that happen more than once?
i dont know
...

DANG
contest is in 3 weeks!
and i havent practiced my solo in about 2!
...
im screwed =/
im also in about 6 things this year
out of the max. of 10
ohh boy
lets see
woodwind choir is really easy
its a B this year
im really mad
i think we're way better than that
i dont know what level the wind ensemble is
but i hate it
with a passion
i think im burning it after we perform
no joke
i hate it that much
flute choir
we've only had 3 practices out of the last 6 that we could actually do
and were getting introuble for not being where we should be...
ITS NOT OUR FAULT!
our quartet is pretty good
and me and taylor need to practice our duet more
and thats about it
we get the schedules soon
so i hope to god im not doubled up on anything
cause then ill just scream.

i pretty much own on mono for audiosurf
i beat most of the songs that i play
yeah, im getting good
im just too lazy to learn the game with more than two colors
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

No one was saved

Whoa
all sorts of new stuff going on
i dont really feel like going into detail....
Jessie: happy (belated) birthday! congrats on your liscence!
Tori: Good for you! (dont get this confused for sarcasm; its not)
Warren: ....i forgot to tell you happy birthday here too. sorry, its been at least a week XD
Lika: Less than a month! Hooray for BSH being open at least a day or two a week, just cause its awesome.
GUYS: IT'S 1 MONTH (or 4 weeks, if you prefer) EXACTLY 'TIL MY BIRTHDAY! YAY!

I had open gym again yesterday
it doesnt hurt as much as last week
i mean, i can walk without wincing a little each step
but my back hurts like a mother >.<
oh well
guess itll just get worse if i actually make the team
i heard that tryouts have shitloads of running
and over four days!
i dont know how im gonna deal
i really really REALLY dont like running...
but i guess ill try.

did i mention yet?
im reading Death Note now
im already on chapter 46!
yeah!
as for Naruto
i got as far as i could
seeing as the series isnt done yet
so, i guess ill keep up with that
oh, and ill have to see what im planning on reading next
ill tell you sometime soon
after im farther in Death Note

o.O
ive felt really strange
for a few hours now
maybe thats what learning things does to me
but its exciting!
maybe ill say later

have i mentioned FAWM yet?
that where we have to write and record an entire album in a month
we have a decent start
i know we for sure have at least one song that we could work on playing
and a whole bunch of songs written
and more than enough ideas for different parts of it
so cool ^_____^

OHHHH
ive decided
i want to get into JRock
because its awesome
and they have really good artists
even though i cant understand most of the songs
i only have three different bands as of now,
Aucifer, Maximum the Hormone, and SCREW
but theyre all really good!
so im looking forward to getting more in the future!

well, thats about it
for i have a lesson tonight
and history to do
and...
other stuff
there
the end.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

Trying and trying...

You know how you always hear people saying
"oh, i have no real friends"
or
"they werent my real friend"
or something to that extent?
i dont understand that
i've had friends that i've grown apart from in time
and friends that ive had problems with
but never really those people who would supposedly "use me and then just get rid of me"
i dont understand people like that
maybe ive just been lucky
sometimes i feel as though i have a lot of really close friends
but i know that isnt true
i think i only have two or three people that i really trust enough to pour my heart out to
and i tell them everything
...
and they know who they are
but people
dont tell me im not trying to be a good friend whenever i try
seriously
if you say im not, then you dont know me and my actions well enough to be judging me like that
though i may not be the most creative at times
i try my damndest to do everything i can for my friends
ive cancelled so many things with my family
so many more important obligations
just to be with them
so please
talk to me before you form your opinion on me
thanks.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

It's not the first time

Wow
I'm approaching my hundreth post
how awesome, right?
its been almost a year
maybe ill make my hundreth on the anniversary of my first
yeah! probably.
should be fun

i dont think i really have anything to write about
i mean, ive really hated this week
i dont really want to go into detail
lets just go with i hope the next is better.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

As your sypathetic whispers told a tale of our goodbye

Hey
I'm posting again
cause I wanted to say
HEY!
XD
I'm kindof out of it right now
slight headache now
but its worth it, after last night

you see, we threw Warren a surprise party
(his birthday was thursday)
and from what he says, he had no clue!
so i say we deserve a round of applause for that
*claps*
i dont care if im the only one clapping
whatever

but it was really fun
I got off at tori's stop
and Hemant and Jason took the bus with us
it was pretty normal,
considering we had to "Hemant's Land" about 20 times between the bus and the pre-party
but after walking to her house from her stop
apparently Jessie and Mel were already there
and cleaned tori's room while they were at it =D
so we sort of just sat around, played a little guitar hero
kinda just waited for jon and aron to get there
...
XD
when i was playing jon in guitar hero
we heard a noise
and everyone started laughing or something
so i yelled to mel "what happened?!?"
and she ran up
i asked again
and she's like "oh, balloon popped"
and then
BOOM!
and we all cracked up
(another one popped)
then we sort of sat and went "when the HELL is he ever gonna get here?!?"
ends up he was held up with his driving stuff
but he got there
and all the guys were hiding in a room in the back of the house
so it was just me, tyne, jessie and tori standing in her front room
(he thought it was practice)
(mel was also in the bathroom at the time. jessie also walked in on her XDDDD)
(that probably wasnt funny, but i laughed)
he was probably just thinking "what the hell's going on?"
and then all the guys sort of ran out going "surprise!"
he smiled a lot at that =D

we sort of stood there for a few minutes
then we all ended up going upstairs
we spent like 15 minutes looking for jason's presents
and everyone sort of handed theirs over
i was really sad though!
the speakers we got him were quieter than his laptop already was!
>.<
im sad
but he seems to like them
so i guess its okay

so we had pizza then
it was really good ^.^
and we talked a while
and then we ended up upstairs again
so we played a few games of human knot and telephone
(ps, no one should play human knot for more than 10 minutes at a time. ever.)
then we drew on the balloons for a while
though everyone kept popping them
(after a while, i think everyone just got used to it)
we also had the cake
he' seemed to like the whole 2^4 thing we did
though he couldnt get the candles out for his life
if it wasnt the magic relights, it was the sparklers
and vice-versa

we then mario-karted
and played I Never
but after that, i had to leave
so im not really sure what went on after that
other than i left my ipod...
but lika was awesome and brought it here after
XD

OH YEAH
my dad's telling me that if i want a job
we're gonna have to "talk about my options and maybe use a search like Monster or Wisconsin Jobs" or something
>.<
but i have time!
im definitely not applying til im 15
because i think it gives me a better chance of getting a job
i'm not even sure what i want to do
my dad says that i dont have to work in a restaurant (which is pretty much the only business near us)
but he's like "there's the industrial stuff!"
=O or i can apply for the thai asian market, if they have anything good
discounts can be nice =D
i think i made a face when he said that XD

BTW:
aced all my exams, other than science (it was a 91%, my grades still and A in that class)
Time To Dance broke the 600 plays mark
im up to 5 different S&E things already (minus the stuff me and taylor are planning)
leanne took all my cds. apparently she likes some of my music XDDDD

before i'm done
i'd like to say
FUCK YOU BLOGGER AND YOUR CURRENT INABILITY TO LET ME SAVE MY POSTS OR VIEW THEM IN A DIFFERENT FORMAT THAN HTML!
i've had to post this about *8* times as of now.
thanks a whole fucking lot.
its really a pain in the ass.
the end.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

I never said I was the best thing for you

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand
my grades still arent posted yet
>.<
oh, did i mention?
its already midterm time
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK MIDTERMS!
well, for spanish
i actually aced it
again
=D
i own at spanish
maybe its my knack for remembering things that most people find completely useless/pointless
i guess it helps me here
hooray for random talents!
my other grades werent posted, though
and that was english and science
my two hardest tests, in my opinions
i mean, monday i have gym (easy, just listening to my ipod and walking the whole hour and a half), band (memorizing stuff and playing the rest of the time), and history (not easy, but i dont give a shit about history. im not gonna use it. ever.)
tuesday theres study hall (code for Guitar Hero the whole hour) and math (which has always been easy for me)
oh, and btw
i didnt study
at all
ever
no matter what anyone may tell you
i mean, it doesnt help
if anything, it just confuses me more
...and this is another time that my half-working memory helps me ever

OH
and if anyone asks
me and Jessie have been going out
for a few months now
because those fucking idiots from my gym class found me
AGAIN
its not the first time
i mean, once at Uno's was enough of a coincidence for me
now i just think theyre stalking me for fun
well, i fucking swear to god
they find me again
im gonna scream
and you guys'll be the first to know about it
dont you worry.
thank GOD for the end of semester
though i dont get to see Holly and Katie as much anymore...
i mean, Holly i see in the morning
and she said she'd sit with us if she ended up in our lunch hour somehow
and katie's locker is close to mine
but they made gym bearable, to say the least
now who am i gonna have to break into random song and dance with during 4th hour?
NO ONE, I TELL YOU!
unless my history class is somehow awesome
i doubt it, though.
=/

uhh
so what else?
oh
im teaching myself how to play "Three Cheers For Five Years" on the piano
in the original key
because i dont give a shit how difficult the rest of you find it, i like how it sounds better that way.
and im not too bad
i can almost sing and play at the same time
even though i cant sing for my life....
but someone has to!
me and tori together would have to cover the three parts on our own
i mean, i already had to put one of (and during the song, the most prominient) the parts to warren just so it'd be covered
dont get me wrong, itd sound awesome on bassoon
but sometimes i wish we'd be able to cover more parts in songs without forcing tori to piano every single time
i guess we'll just have to play with the hand we're dealt.
it could be worse....

thats also one of the reasons i want to learn more instruments
not only the fact that i love music
and that im considering it for a possible career path in the future
but it'd also take some of the stress from limiting what we can do as musicians
...its too late for me to be explaining this stuff so in-depth
what im trying to say is, that i dont know what im trying to say
the end

my life is just moving too fast
it seems like it was just a few weeks ago that i was starting highschool
now im 1/8 of the way done!
i just started to become okay with people!
life doesnt seem fair most of the time
i have to idea what im doing with my life
my indecisiveness is excruciatingly painful sometimes, you know?
god, i have a headache now
i just dont fucking know
i dont

im starting to believe a little more in astrology
i know those horoscopes in magazines are a bunch of bull most of the time
but the whole "your personality is somewhat affected by your birthday"
it seems to make some sense
i can kinda tell what time of the year people are born by talking to them
like this person i met in 7th grade
i talked to them for a while, and i just had this sort of feeling like they had to be born just around the same time as me (march-ish)
so i figure out last year
5 fucking days younger than me
crazy
dont know how that happened, but it did
id like to think that im more oberservative than most people
i remember most conversations that have no significance ever to most people
dunno
maybe its just that that makes me unique?
or maybe ive just set my hopes for myself too high....

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

I will wait...

Hey
I guess this'll be yet another short post
but I like saying what I feel
and what happened today
was that I was working on my science portfolio
and I typed "payed" instead of "paid"
and it made me laugh

oh
and
I'm up to chapter 170 in Naruto now
be happy for me!

the end

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

XP

All I have to say
is that giving a leftie a high five is really awkward
the end.

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?

I know I'm scared, I'm a little unprepared, and I hope luck is on my side

.....
.........
.................
...............................
so
it's Wednesday
i'm tired already
stupid school
....
but i can't really say that
you have NO idea how much i was looking forward to going back
"a strange, neverending magnetism...."
...and i just quoted myself
how sad
and i lost my notebook!
the one i write in at school when im bored
or have one of those random emotion-filled waves that hit me every once in a while/every night at about 10:15 when im sitting up going "damn, im too tired to read and leanne's already yelled for me to turn my stereo down 3 times already what to do *insert random quote here* oh that'd make an awesome song title" and i spend another half-hour writing whatever pops into my head and somehow at least 2/3 of it ends up pure emo BS but i dont care because i wanted to write it.
...
and
i just found it
it was in that one pile next to the computer desk
silly me XP
oh well
*phew*

know what else ive been doing today?
thinking of my stupid scheldual (i dont care how its spelled, tori) for next year.
and i think i wanna drop health so i can take German next year
cause i can
and i dont think i wanna get rid of my study hall
study hall is awesome
and i think we have band study hall available again next year
which would just be awesome.
...
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
effin college
fuck it
i dont want it
i just dont
i love highschool
im finally starting to like some of the people in my grade
WHY MUST YOU RUIN THAT FOR ME?
*sigh*
whatever
im also not looking forward to getting all my requirements, either
i dont think ive put it in here before, but im thinking UW Madison
http://www.admissions.wisc.edu/freshman/requirements.php
an 1830?!?!?!?
just to be out of the bottom 25%?
thats just fucking insane
my score is something like a 1700 or 1770
i just checked, its 1770
i guess its a good start
i have a few years to get that up
i guess im set
for everything except the whole class rank shit
you know what?
my grades arent amazing
and i can deal with that
but seriously
fucking my college chances?
what if i have a shitload of really smart kids in my grade?
that isnt cool, college
not cool at all.
but i saw that UWM is actually easier than madison
by a long shot
only because of the whole 2 years of a language
and whatever
but as of next year
if i take spanish 3, i think its an honors class
so thats good
im not gonna bitch about anything thats bringing my GPA up
especially not a class thats as simple as spanish
i just own that class
you have no idea
i think last year i ended with a 104% or something
with something like a 121% on the final
pretty kick ass, if you ask me.

and i just realized why i hate the concept of college
i have almost no idea what i want to do with my life
i mean, you people are all probably sitting there going "theres no fucking way, everyone has SOME idea on that"
well, i guess i do
but im so horrible at decisions
it sucks, but its true

ohh
im so tired
you wouldnt believe
its kinda like my subconscious is just writing whatever the hell it wants
how sad, eh?
oh well
maybe ill get desert
i deserve it
i hate tatertot casserole
>.<
well, i have a shower to do
and other stuff
(such as fuck with leanne's computer)
...
so
bye!

______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."

*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*

A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?