April 07, 2011
I thought it was a symbol of "us"
And you just as easily took it back as you gave it to me in the first place. Have you considered that to me it was more than just an object? That maybe it was a reminder that even when I'm at my lowest, there might be someone out there who still cared about me? That it was the first thing that made me feel like we might be together? I remember when you first gave it to me. It became a secret to most, just like we were. I made such an effort to hide it from my parents. But I was so proud when they finally found it because that meant I could be truly open about how I cared about you when they were around. And I was nervous when other people asked about it too. I would make up excuses as to why I had it. I felt like it brought us closer. ...was it because I got my own that sparked this? That I offered mine to you hoping you'd cherish it as much as I did yours? I asked you to hold it for a few minutes and you suddenly decide that after over a year, you wanted it again? I don't care if you say that you'll "still love me anyway". I'm sorry that you see it as merely an object. Maybe someday you can see that I thought of it as a part of you. ______________________________________________________________________ "If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you." *insert some sort of smiley face here* *insert witty comment here* *some more smiley faces* *maybe a few song lyrics* *repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining* "I was terrified, and would you mind If I sat next to you and watched you smile? So many kids but I only see you, And I don't think you notice me..." A poem of sorrow While writing it, would you dance with me?
March 23, 2011
In a galaxy far, far away...
You know what?
It's been almost forever since I posted last, it seems.
And I don't really intend to much anymore, anyway.
But this is something that has been nagging at me lately and I figure that if I can get it off my chest, it may leave me alone for a while.
I don't know how many people know about this, but for Homecoming sophomore year, I was called and asked to the dance by someone who was supposedly a friend from elementary school.
I mean, this person was literally the first guy I was friends with.
He used to come over after school sometimes and on weekends and we'd play Pokemon together, but not much else.
But sometimes I used to imagine what it would be like if we were married.
I mean, come on, I was 7.
But soon enough, we just stopped hanging out. We each found our friends of the same gender and hit the age where it was "weird" for girls and guys to be friends.
We'd still talk every once in a while, since we lived (and still live) about 2 minutes away from each other, walking.
I think the last time I talked to him before that day was probably....6th grade, on the way back from Skateland. Either way.
But yeah, "he" had called and asked me to go with him to Homecoming.
And being paranoid as I am, I immediately blew it off as being fake.
1) When I asked if I could call him back, he gave a different number than he called from.
2) I figured someone was BS-ing me because you always hear on TV shows or in movies about how people get asked on dates or whatever as jokes and get fucked over in the end.
3) I hadn't talked to him in years, so I had no idea what he was like anymore, let alone what his voice sounded like.
4) Along with the people faking it thing, he didn't seem the type for a formal dance.
In the end, I never called him back, and I wonder sometimes how life would have turned out if I had.
And even at that time, I swore had he asked me in person, I would have said yes.
If it really was him, he has missed his chance, and too fucking bad for him, since the next guy who asked me to a dance had the balls to do it in person. That's not what it post is about, though.
I guess the point of this post overall is that I miss having him as a friend, the same way I missed having Gabby Bauer as a friend when she moved to Minnesota. The moral of that story is that now she and I have nothing in common anymore and our friendship is just a memory, and the same goes for that other friend too. We've gone our separate ways, and I can honestly say I'm happy with how my life has turned out so far.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
If I sat next to you and watched you smile?
So many kids but I only see you,
And I don't think you notice me..."
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
It's been almost forever since I posted last, it seems.
And I don't really intend to much anymore, anyway.
But this is something that has been nagging at me lately and I figure that if I can get it off my chest, it may leave me alone for a while.
I don't know how many people know about this, but for Homecoming sophomore year, I was called and asked to the dance by someone who was supposedly a friend from elementary school.
I mean, this person was literally the first guy I was friends with.
He used to come over after school sometimes and on weekends and we'd play Pokemon together, but not much else.
But sometimes I used to imagine what it would be like if we were married.
I mean, come on, I was 7.
But soon enough, we just stopped hanging out. We each found our friends of the same gender and hit the age where it was "weird" for girls and guys to be friends.
We'd still talk every once in a while, since we lived (and still live) about 2 minutes away from each other, walking.
I think the last time I talked to him before that day was probably....6th grade, on the way back from Skateland. Either way.
But yeah, "he" had called and asked me to go with him to Homecoming.
And being paranoid as I am, I immediately blew it off as being fake.
1) When I asked if I could call him back, he gave a different number than he called from.
2) I figured someone was BS-ing me because you always hear on TV shows or in movies about how people get asked on dates or whatever as jokes and get fucked over in the end.
3) I hadn't talked to him in years, so I had no idea what he was like anymore, let alone what his voice sounded like.
4) Along with the people faking it thing, he didn't seem the type for a formal dance.
In the end, I never called him back, and I wonder sometimes how life would have turned out if I had.
And even at that time, I swore had he asked me in person, I would have said yes.
If it really was him, he has missed his chance, and too fucking bad for him, since the next guy who asked me to a dance had the balls to do it in person. That's not what it post is about, though.
I guess the point of this post overall is that I miss having him as a friend, the same way I missed having Gabby Bauer as a friend when she moved to Minnesota. The moral of that story is that now she and I have nothing in common anymore and our friendship is just a memory, and the same goes for that other friend too. We've gone our separate ways, and I can honestly say I'm happy with how my life has turned out so far.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
If I sat next to you and watched you smile?
So many kids but I only see you,
And I don't think you notice me..."
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
August 28, 2010
A note
You know, people have mentioned that I haven't posted in a while.
And I guess, the reason is, I just don't know WHAT to blog about.
Whenever I write something, I ask myself again and again, "Who would really care about that?"
And a lot of the time, I come up with the answer "nobody".
But sometimes I post it anyway, despite what I tell myself.
Like now, for instance.
Some sort of low self-esteem, perhaps?
Well, either way, I guess I can try to post every once in a while, but I'm busier now.
We'll see.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
If I sat next to you and watched you smile?
So many kids but I only see you,
And I don't think you notice me..."
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
And I guess, the reason is, I just don't know WHAT to blog about.
Whenever I write something, I ask myself again and again, "Who would really care about that?"
And a lot of the time, I come up with the answer "nobody".
But sometimes I post it anyway, despite what I tell myself.
Like now, for instance.
Some sort of low self-esteem, perhaps?
Well, either way, I guess I can try to post every once in a while, but I'm busier now.
We'll see.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
If I sat next to you and watched you smile?
So many kids but I only see you,
And I don't think you notice me..."
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
June 03, 2010
Meh.
Sometimes I wonder why I still have this blog.
I never have anything to rant about that I can't just talk to someone else about.
There's something wrong to me about talking about personal things to an invisible audience.
And besides, my life is hardly exciting.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
I never have anything to rant about that I can't just talk to someone else about.
There's something wrong to me about talking about personal things to an invisible audience.
And besides, my life is hardly exciting.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
May 12, 2010
A little something
So, there's just something about PDA that makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe it's the feeling that everyone'd be watching.
Maybe it's because it bothers me so much when other people do it, and I really don't want to be a hypocrite.
Maybe I'm just unsure.
Whatever it is, I seem to have a problem with it.
I've never really seen the appeal in showing everyone around you how close you are to the person you're with, anyway.
Clearly, you're close enough to be dating, so let's just leave it at that.
And those are pretty much my thoughts for the day.
______________________________________________________________________"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
Maybe it's the feeling that everyone'd be watching.
Maybe it's because it bothers me so much when other people do it, and I really don't want to be a hypocrite.
Maybe I'm just unsure.
Whatever it is, I seem to have a problem with it.
I've never really seen the appeal in showing everyone around you how close you are to the person you're with, anyway.
Clearly, you're close enough to be dating, so let's just leave it at that.
And those are pretty much my thoughts for the day.
______________________________________________________________________"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
May 09, 2010
The threat is real when his sight goes red again
I really don't know what's wrong with me lately.
I'm just constantly tired.
I wake up 5 minutes before my bus arrives.
I sleep through classes.
I pass out almost as soon as I get into bed.
And I think it's mostly mental exhaustion.
Because I'm sure I get plenty of sleep at night.
There's just too much going on that I have to deal with.
And if certain things get too much worse, I might have to just stop dealing with them for a while.
______________________________________________________________________"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
I'm just constantly tired.
I wake up 5 minutes before my bus arrives.
I sleep through classes.
I pass out almost as soon as I get into bed.
And I think it's mostly mental exhaustion.
Because I'm sure I get plenty of sleep at night.
There's just too much going on that I have to deal with.
And if certain things get too much worse, I might have to just stop dealing with them for a while.
______________________________________________________________________"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrowWhile writing it, would you dance with me?
March 29, 2010
No te vayas por favor, solo quédate conmigo
First blog post from the new laptop. =D
Hey, it may have taken a few weeks to get around to it, but I'm still trying to get used to it.
And that should happen, eventually.
Too many other things going on lately, I guess.
Most stressful of all of that would have been Solo and Ensemble.
Yup, that time of year came and went without so much as a major breakdown from yours truly.
Which is almost funny to think of, with the little bit of practicing I actually did for anything.
But...
I got a 1* on my solo!
And I was the only soloist in my room to do that, so I pretty much freaked out.
Literally.
I saw the posting and I started jumping up and down.
I got the same for my duet and wind ensemble, but that was more than just my effort.
So state's tomorrow night, and yet again I haven't practiced.
Should be interesting. XD
Oh, more about the laptop, I suppose.
My parents kept bothering me before my birthday about what I wanted, and I didn't really have anything I could think of.
And when I felt like being all "Oh, I'm gonna be 16, get me a car," all I got was "Nice try."
So, I was down to a phone or a computer, and I bet you can guess what I chose. =P
Also, it's almost identical to the other laptop we have here. I went off at Leanne one day when she was using it, and didn't even stop to think that this thing's locked up. I think she's forgiven me, though.
I'd say the biggest problem about a new computer is transferring old data over.
For sure.
I think I only have about 1GB of music on here, maybe 6 bookmarked pages, and instant messaging software set up. And that's it. No documents, none of my Steam games, no Finale. It's such a pain to have my own computer and not even be allowed to choose what I can put on here.
I understand that my parents could be worse about things like parental controls, but I don't understand why they can't be a little more flexable.
But hey, after 2 years they finally bothered to unblock Facebook, so that's something. =P
And I would type more of what's happened, but I'm not in the mood, and I have homework I've procrastinated on pretty well that I should look at soonish.
'til next time.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
Hey, it may have taken a few weeks to get around to it, but I'm still trying to get used to it.
And that should happen, eventually.
Too many other things going on lately, I guess.
Most stressful of all of that would have been Solo and Ensemble.
Yup, that time of year came and went without so much as a major breakdown from yours truly.
Which is almost funny to think of, with the little bit of practicing I actually did for anything.
But...
I got a 1* on my solo!
And I was the only soloist in my room to do that, so I pretty much freaked out.
Literally.
I saw the posting and I started jumping up and down.
I got the same for my duet and wind ensemble, but that was more than just my effort.
So state's tomorrow night, and yet again I haven't practiced.
Should be interesting. XD
Oh, more about the laptop, I suppose.
My parents kept bothering me before my birthday about what I wanted, and I didn't really have anything I could think of.
And when I felt like being all "Oh, I'm gonna be 16, get me a car," all I got was "Nice try."
So, I was down to a phone or a computer, and I bet you can guess what I chose. =P
Also, it's almost identical to the other laptop we have here. I went off at Leanne one day when she was using it, and didn't even stop to think that this thing's locked up. I think she's forgiven me, though.
I'd say the biggest problem about a new computer is transferring old data over.
For sure.
I think I only have about 1GB of music on here, maybe 6 bookmarked pages, and instant messaging software set up. And that's it. No documents, none of my Steam games, no Finale. It's such a pain to have my own computer and not even be allowed to choose what I can put on here.
I understand that my parents could be worse about things like parental controls, but I don't understand why they can't be a little more flexable.
But hey, after 2 years they finally bothered to unblock Facebook, so that's something. =P
And I would type more of what's happened, but I'm not in the mood, and I have homework I've procrastinated on pretty well that I should look at soonish.
'til next time.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
February 20, 2010
We're all okay until the day we're not
Wow, what the heck kind of mood is this?
I can't even describe it.
And I don't know if I'd want to, at least on here.
So much has gone on lately that my brain is having problems keeping up.
That's why I might seem slower than usual.
Lagggggggggg, much?
But sometimes, I'd like to take a break from being me.
Or experience in my life the equivelent of a key change.
The same basic idea, but with a new twist. Something to regain my interest.
Or, maybe I just *need* a good nap.
We'll see.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
I can't even describe it.
And I don't know if I'd want to, at least on here.
So much has gone on lately that my brain is having problems keeping up.
That's why I might seem slower than usual.
Lagggggggggg, much?
But sometimes, I'd like to take a break from being me.
Or experience in my life the equivelent of a key change.
The same basic idea, but with a new twist. Something to regain my interest.
Or, maybe I just *need* a good nap.
We'll see.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
February 06, 2010
I don't wanna wake up just to find out I've been decieved
So, ACT today.
And I think I did pretty well! =D
It was a lot nicer than last time.
And I actually knew people there this time, too.
(Last time I took it 8th grade at Germantown or something. *blech*)
My goal was to get in the 30s for each of the subjects/overall, then maybe (stress on the MAYBE) a 9 or 10 on the essay.
And I think I can do it.
I just don't want my score to go down....
I mean, I got a 28 last time.
And that's pretty good, I guess.
There are people who get into colleges with lower scores than that.
And that was still a few years ago.
So I dunno. *fingers crossed*
On a completely unrelated note, I WILL walk home unaided someday.
I swear to it.
Maybe when there's less snow and I can find the sidewalks....
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
And I think I did pretty well! =D
It was a lot nicer than last time.
And I actually knew people there this time, too.
(Last time I took it 8th grade at Germantown or something. *blech*)
My goal was to get in the 30s for each of the subjects/overall, then maybe (stress on the MAYBE) a 9 or 10 on the essay.
And I think I can do it.
I just don't want my score to go down....
I mean, I got a 28 last time.
And that's pretty good, I guess.
There are people who get into colleges with lower scores than that.
And that was still a few years ago.
So I dunno. *fingers crossed*
On a completely unrelated note, I WILL walk home unaided someday.
I swear to it.
Maybe when there's less snow and I can find the sidewalks....
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
February 03, 2010
I won't let you down, no I won't...
So, brilliant idea today.
Mel and I have a new project to surprise our friends in the musical when it comes around.
....
Who cares if it's still a few months? =P
More information on that when it happens.
We wanna keep it on the DL so it's that much better.
Oh, I got my class rank today.
14! Woot!
I never asked how many people are in the grade, but who cares.
Probably top 4 or 5%.
And up 5 since last semester!
Which is surprising, because of the whole B+ in bio thing.
Yay 5 honors class buffer!
And I switched out of regular gym next year, because I hate that shit.
Lifetime Fitness?
Let's see how that goes.
And I hope to God I get my classes next year.
If I get them all, my schedule should be jam-packed from 7:10-3:10 everyday.
Plus with my parents wanting me to get a job....
*sigh*
I'm sure it won't be horrible.
But I wanted to wait until I could drive myself there.
But then there's the problem for gas money....
And insurance....
Gah.
There's so much to deal with growing up.
I can really understand why people would never want to grow up.
I fight it myself when I get the chance.
But then there are the people who go overboard.
Like, those who live with their parents forever and refuse to go out and do something with their lives.
Boo.
I definitely won't be one of them.
I swear to it.
By the way, this weekend TIM filled his fat ass up again.
I don't think I'm going for a major purge like last year.
I don't have that much overflow.
But it's just enough that I don't have much room if I ever get a new CD I want on there.
Or if I wanna add more of Mike's music on here.
There's SO much in my backup playlist.
I should start deleting the stuff that I'll definitely not gonna listen to.
I mean, seriously?
116GB?
What am I gonna do with that?
*sigh*
I'm cutting it down a lot, though.
I'm getting a lot better at figuring out which songs I'll actually listen to and which I just skip all the time because I don't actually like them and I don't even know why they were on him in the first place.
I should get back to that, actually.
And homework.
HA.
That's later. =P
Like, 10.
'Til next time!
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
Mel and I have a new project to surprise our friends in the musical when it comes around.
....
Who cares if it's still a few months? =P
More information on that when it happens.
We wanna keep it on the DL so it's that much better.
Oh, I got my class rank today.
14! Woot!
I never asked how many people are in the grade, but who cares.
Probably top 4 or 5%.
And up 5 since last semester!
Which is surprising, because of the whole B+ in bio thing.
Yay 5 honors class buffer!
And I switched out of regular gym next year, because I hate that shit.
Lifetime Fitness?
Let's see how that goes.
And I hope to God I get my classes next year.
If I get them all, my schedule should be jam-packed from 7:10-3:10 everyday.
Plus with my parents wanting me to get a job....
*sigh*
I'm sure it won't be horrible.
But I wanted to wait until I could drive myself there.
But then there's the problem for gas money....
And insurance....
Gah.
There's so much to deal with growing up.
I can really understand why people would never want to grow up.
I fight it myself when I get the chance.
But then there are the people who go overboard.
Like, those who live with their parents forever and refuse to go out and do something with their lives.
Boo.
I definitely won't be one of them.
I swear to it.
By the way, this weekend TIM filled his fat ass up again.
I don't think I'm going for a major purge like last year.
I don't have that much overflow.
But it's just enough that I don't have much room if I ever get a new CD I want on there.
Or if I wanna add more of Mike's music on here.
There's SO much in my backup playlist.
I should start deleting the stuff that I'll definitely not gonna listen to.
I mean, seriously?
116GB?
What am I gonna do with that?
*sigh*
I'm cutting it down a lot, though.
I'm getting a lot better at figuring out which songs I'll actually listen to and which I just skip all the time because I don't actually like them and I don't even know why they were on him in the first place.
I should get back to that, actually.
And homework.
HA.
That's later. =P
Like, 10.
'Til next time!
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
January 23, 2010
I'm tired and I'm reckless, and I can't go home
Ohey.
Wow, just posted yesterday and I felt like posting again today.
But what to talk about?
Hm....
Well, I had this dream last night.
It started off as TF2.
I don't even remember completely what happened.
But I somehow switched from SOMETHING to being a medic.
And we were in some map I'd never played on before...
And it looked a lot different because it was the real world, not just something computerized and stuff.
But then I went downstairs from the spawn...
And everyone looked like themselves, not the class the chose.
As if this couldn't get much stranger, I started finding my friends.
And they were all on the other team. =P
Stupid red team.
At least that much was the same, the team colors.
An unrelated note, I try to pick BLU when I have the choice. ^_^
But anyway, first Mel showed up, then Warren.
Then Tori showed up, and my first thought was "She's playing Heavy".
She had the gun of a heavy, at least. =P
There were other random people from school, too, but I just don't feel like listing them.
Yeah, and somehow I ended up with a gun that sucked the life from people on the other team rather than healing my team (Well, I had the gun for that too, I apparently just liked to kill the other people.)
So, I just sort of sat in the corner talking to people and sucking the health from the mass of reds around me.
Yeah, this dream makes no sense if you know how the game works. But I found it kinda awesome.
Completely unrelated to the game, there was yesterday.
My Spanish grade was posted, a 98%! (Woot!)
And that was posted almost right away.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MATH AND BAND?! POST NAO!
After that, I sort of ended up home.
And the sort of is because our substitute bus driver had to be mentally challenged because every time we gave him directions on how to get us home, he questioned it about 10 times. And EVERY TIME we passed and intersection, he asked if it was a stop. You would know how bad this is if you understood just how many intersections there are for my bus route. =(
So, when I get home, I started talking to people.
Jon and I discussed lunch, but we had both eaten already, so we decided on the mall.
The problem with this was that my mom was the only one home, and she apparently thinks I don't do enough around the house and that I should do craploads of chores. I reasoned with her that I could just do them later because it's a three day weekend, and I think she considered this because I was allowed to go as long as I did the dishes (only about 10 minutes vs. the hours of cleaning that would have come otherwise)
Just as we got past Pilgrim and Silver Spring, Mel called Jon to tell him that she was stuck at Oakwood and really had to pee. So, I called Hemant and told him to go and get her, and he sounded somewhat reluctant but he agreed.
And of course, 2 minutes later I got a text from her saying the same thing she called Jon with.
Ah, friendship.
When we got there, we couldn't decide which way to go, so I flipped a coin and got tails, so we started to the right.
Jon made a comment about how empty the mall was, but then I pointed out that most people are probably still in school at 2:30.
The problem? We couldn't really find any stores we wanted to go to.
We tried to go dress shopping, but the ones I found that looked okay either didn't fit, or were cut horribly. So that was a bust.
Then, Jon decided it'd be fun to run into Abercrombie.
Woo, yay, I smelled like it for the rest of the day. =/
The only store we really bought anything from was Spencers.
I got some really cool red gloves, but I don't know what to do with them yet so I guess they'll just sit in my room until I find a time to use them. (though I'm wearing them right now to see how they feel)
And Jon got glasses.
They were convincing as real glasses, too, and they were super cool. =D
Right when we were about to leave, we discussed whether to go the the Starbucks in Barnes & Noble or to stop at the kiosk we were next to, and we chose convenience.
And while waiting for our orders, guess who shows up?
That's right. Mel and Hemant.
We saw them walk right past us.
Well, I did, I told Jon and he was like "What?" And I had to point them out to him.
And we just kept saying, "What? They walked right past us? Huh. Let's leave before they actually see us."
And, however it happened, Hemant parked right next to Jon.
AND WE COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING TO DO TO HEMANT'S CAR. =(
So while Jon was running around Hemant's car, they came back and we were sorta like "Ohey guys!" *grin*
And then we started talking.
And they told us they saw us, but they felt like stalking us instead. (okay?)
And that they couldn't tell it was us for sure right away, because Jon was wearing his glasses.
They asked him when he got them. XD
After a few minutes, he was like "Guys, I bought these today at Spencers."
They said "Oh."
And then we left.
After I arrived home, I sat around for an hour, thinking about how much I didn't want to get a ride with my parents to pep band.
I asked Hemant to give me a ride, and he was all possibly. So I got my hopes up. RIGHT AFTER he says that, he's like, right, I need to ask Jason if he still needs a ride. Ends up he does, and I'm once again stuck with my parents.
I asked Warren, but he never responded. Yet again stuck with my parents.
And just as I was about to leave the house, Warren called my cell and asked "Hey, you still need a ride?" "Sure, if you're offering." "Okay, because I'm outside your house."
That was close if nothing else. I suck ass at completely accurate quotes.
So, we got there, found people, I remembered how much I suck at trumpet, etc.
And then there was the stands.
Holy fuck, there were the stands.
So crowded.
Anyone have any idea of how much it sucks to play flute when there's no room?
Well, I sure as hell do.
My stand was completely sideways, and I had to rest the middle of my flute on Warren when we were playing because that's how close we all were.
And then he kept slamming my stand into Angie's head. Somehow she smiled each time, but I sure as hell would have been annoyed after that.
Eh.
But then Warren's like "Oh, I wanna get Skittles after the game! We can leave after that."
And guess what he didn't do?
What he did do was try to be a badass while driving me home.
"Ohey, look at how late I can stop for this light!" *slams the breaks just as we get there and whiplash ensues*
"Stop sign? It's more of a recommendation."
"Don't make me swerve!" *swerves*
"Let's see how close I can get to this snowbank without hitting it!"
And somehow I ended up home alive. =P
Wow, this post ended up a lot longer than necessary.
Probably because I suck at telling stories.
It turned out almost like one of my older posts, but with more grammar, less "^.^" and much more WTF.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
Wow, just posted yesterday and I felt like posting again today.
But what to talk about?
Hm....
Well, I had this dream last night.
It started off as TF2.
I don't even remember completely what happened.
But I somehow switched from SOMETHING to being a medic.
And we were in some map I'd never played on before...
And it looked a lot different because it was the real world, not just something computerized and stuff.
But then I went downstairs from the spawn...
And everyone looked like themselves, not the class the chose.
As if this couldn't get much stranger, I started finding my friends.
And they were all on the other team. =P
Stupid red team.
At least that much was the same, the team colors.
An unrelated note, I try to pick BLU when I have the choice. ^_^
But anyway, first Mel showed up, then Warren.
Then Tori showed up, and my first thought was "She's playing Heavy".
She had the gun of a heavy, at least. =P
There were other random people from school, too, but I just don't feel like listing them.
Yeah, and somehow I ended up with a gun that sucked the life from people on the other team rather than healing my team (Well, I had the gun for that too, I apparently just liked to kill the other people.)
So, I just sort of sat in the corner talking to people and sucking the health from the mass of reds around me.
Yeah, this dream makes no sense if you know how the game works. But I found it kinda awesome.
Completely unrelated to the game, there was yesterday.
My Spanish grade was posted, a 98%! (Woot!)
And that was posted almost right away.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MATH AND BAND?! POST NAO!
After that, I sort of ended up home.
And the sort of is because our substitute bus driver had to be mentally challenged because every time we gave him directions on how to get us home, he questioned it about 10 times. And EVERY TIME we passed and intersection, he asked if it was a stop. You would know how bad this is if you understood just how many intersections there are for my bus route. =(
So, when I get home, I started talking to people.
Jon and I discussed lunch, but we had both eaten already, so we decided on the mall.
The problem with this was that my mom was the only one home, and she apparently thinks I don't do enough around the house and that I should do craploads of chores. I reasoned with her that I could just do them later because it's a three day weekend, and I think she considered this because I was allowed to go as long as I did the dishes (only about 10 minutes vs. the hours of cleaning that would have come otherwise)
Just as we got past Pilgrim and Silver Spring, Mel called Jon to tell him that she was stuck at Oakwood and really had to pee. So, I called Hemant and told him to go and get her, and he sounded somewhat reluctant but he agreed.
And of course, 2 minutes later I got a text from her saying the same thing she called Jon with.
Ah, friendship.
When we got there, we couldn't decide which way to go, so I flipped a coin and got tails, so we started to the right.
Jon made a comment about how empty the mall was, but then I pointed out that most people are probably still in school at 2:30.
The problem? We couldn't really find any stores we wanted to go to.
We tried to go dress shopping, but the ones I found that looked okay either didn't fit, or were cut horribly. So that was a bust.
Then, Jon decided it'd be fun to run into Abercrombie.
Woo, yay, I smelled like it for the rest of the day. =/
The only store we really bought anything from was Spencers.
I got some really cool red gloves, but I don't know what to do with them yet so I guess they'll just sit in my room until I find a time to use them. (though I'm wearing them right now to see how they feel)
And Jon got glasses.
They were convincing as real glasses, too, and they were super cool. =D
Right when we were about to leave, we discussed whether to go the the Starbucks in Barnes & Noble or to stop at the kiosk we were next to, and we chose convenience.
And while waiting for our orders, guess who shows up?
That's right. Mel and Hemant.
We saw them walk right past us.
Well, I did, I told Jon and he was like "What?" And I had to point them out to him.
And we just kept saying, "What? They walked right past us? Huh. Let's leave before they actually see us."
And, however it happened, Hemant parked right next to Jon.
AND WE COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING TO DO TO HEMANT'S CAR. =(
So while Jon was running around Hemant's car, they came back and we were sorta like "Ohey guys!" *grin*
And then we started talking.
And they told us they saw us, but they felt like stalking us instead. (okay?)
And that they couldn't tell it was us for sure right away, because Jon was wearing his glasses.
They asked him when he got them. XD
After a few minutes, he was like "Guys, I bought these today at Spencers."
They said "Oh."
And then we left.
After I arrived home, I sat around for an hour, thinking about how much I didn't want to get a ride with my parents to pep band.
I asked Hemant to give me a ride, and he was all possibly. So I got my hopes up. RIGHT AFTER he says that, he's like, right, I need to ask Jason if he still needs a ride. Ends up he does, and I'm once again stuck with my parents.
I asked Warren, but he never responded. Yet again stuck with my parents.
And just as I was about to leave the house, Warren called my cell and asked "Hey, you still need a ride?" "Sure, if you're offering." "Okay, because I'm outside your house."
That was close if nothing else. I suck ass at completely accurate quotes.
So, we got there, found people, I remembered how much I suck at trumpet, etc.
And then there was the stands.
Holy fuck, there were the stands.
So crowded.
Anyone have any idea of how much it sucks to play flute when there's no room?
Well, I sure as hell do.
My stand was completely sideways, and I had to rest the middle of my flute on Warren when we were playing because that's how close we all were.
And then he kept slamming my stand into Angie's head. Somehow she smiled each time, but I sure as hell would have been annoyed after that.
Eh.
But then Warren's like "Oh, I wanna get Skittles after the game! We can leave after that."
And guess what he didn't do?
What he did do was try to be a badass while driving me home.
"Ohey, look at how late I can stop for this light!" *slams the breaks just as we get there and whiplash ensues*
"Stop sign? It's more of a recommendation."
"Don't make me swerve!" *swerves*
"Let's see how close I can get to this snowbank without hitting it!"
And somehow I ended up home alive. =P
Wow, this post ended up a lot longer than necessary.
Probably because I suck at telling stories.
It turned out almost like one of my older posts, but with more grammar, less "^.^" and much more WTF.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
January 22, 2010
Come on and make me foolish
Huh, I suppose I'm getting real inconsistant with these things. Oh well.
I'll maybe try harder, but the truth is whenever I really feel like writing about my day, it happens at 10 when I'm sitting around in my room and actually thinking about what went on that day.
So, all you get is this leftover junk whenever I feel obliged.
And today I guess I feel obliged.
Yet another rigorous set of exams have been completed.
And somehow I've come out unscathed as of yet.
My first half of tests have been posted, Bio/English/German with 95.2/95.2/99% respectively.
Though I had quite the scare for English yesterday....
I got home early because I exempted Health (Thank GOD. That class was all opinions and everyone should know how hard I fail at questions that don't have solid facts. *MATH FTW*)
And I checked my grades.
A 59% ON MY ENGLISH FINAL.
WTF.
So I cried for a few hours, and I went back to check to see if any other grades were there it magically changed to a 95.2%.
Which I wasn't about to complain about.
It moved my overall grade to an A. =D
And wow, I've been hanging out a lot lately.
Like, the last few days I've gone out to lunch after exams.
And before that there was the nightsledding/Grafton/foreign food days.
And even before that, it was studying.
I dunno how this happened....
But I might have to take a break from you all sometime soon...
Not today though, I think. =D
'Cause I need to get away from my mom and the chores that will be forced upon me if I stay.
So, until the next time I feel obliged!
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
I'll maybe try harder, but the truth is whenever I really feel like writing about my day, it happens at 10 when I'm sitting around in my room and actually thinking about what went on that day.
So, all you get is this leftover junk whenever I feel obliged.
And today I guess I feel obliged.
Yet another rigorous set of exams have been completed.
And somehow I've come out unscathed as of yet.
My first half of tests have been posted, Bio/English/German with 95.2/95.2/99% respectively.
Though I had quite the scare for English yesterday....
I got home early because I exempted Health (Thank GOD. That class was all opinions and everyone should know how hard I fail at questions that don't have solid facts. *MATH FTW*)
And I checked my grades.
A 59% ON MY ENGLISH FINAL.
WTF.
So I cried for a few hours, and I went back to check to see if any other grades were there it magically changed to a 95.2%.
Which I wasn't about to complain about.
It moved my overall grade to an A. =D
And wow, I've been hanging out a lot lately.
Like, the last few days I've gone out to lunch after exams.
And before that there was the nightsledding/Grafton/foreign food days.
And even before that, it was studying.
I dunno how this happened....
But I might have to take a break from you all sometime soon...
Not today though, I think. =D
'Cause I need to get away from my mom and the chores that will be forced upon me if I stay.
So, until the next time I feel obliged!
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
November 23, 2009
But we don't understand anyway....
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my best friend?
In case I haven't, I love you Melissa.
=D
So, I was just kinda sitting around and felt like reading her blog.
Then I quoted it once.
So she decides to look up her name and start quoting all this stuff I said year(s?) ago.
And I totally don't remember saying any of that.
Even without hitting my face on the concrete...(most definitely a story for another day)
But it's kinda like, where did my awesomeness go?
I don't talk like that anymore.
And I kinda miss that.
You know, the days back when I could say "Oh, I didn't use capitalization or an apostrophe? Fuck it, I don't care."
Now it's more of "AHHHHH CRAP I FORGOT THERE ARE NO As IN DEFINITE!!!! GAHHH OMFG IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"
Ah, sometimes I wish I could go back in time.
There are so many things I miss.
Like, 8th grade band.
Or 7th grade in general.
Or back when we would all just go to Village Park after school and sit on the swings.
Or the Dollar Store raids where we would end up with $15 of junk each and think it was totally worth it.
Or when we used to play our instruments together for the hell of it.
Or the Kitty Notebook.
Or Rockband Parties.
Or last Homecoming.
Or the stupid seatbelt joke.
Or Australia.
Or adventures. (This is probably the single worst thing about everyone getting their driver's licenses.)
Or the last day of school.
Or last year's Summerfest.
Or Target.
Or biking to the movies. ("Wow, your pants are really tight!" "....")
Or having random chatrooms that always turned out to be the highlight of my week.
Or arranging songs that I had convinced myself that we would play together someday.
Or the grassy knoll.
Or New Years.
Or "Say no to blowjobs!"
Or the Bop-It.
Or all the movies we saw together.
Or the state game (Especially the bus ride there: "Holy shit, we picked the lucky bus! We just got through the railroad crossing when it was going down, and the last few lights!")
Or Falls Fest.
Or the trivia contest.
Or playing for Tori's church.
Or Heroes parties.
Or HYH.
Or jam-sessions.
Or eating ramen at 2 in the morning.
Or that one day everyone showed up at my house and we started playing Rockband.
Or baking that cake for Sam, then realizing it would be too far to walk it to him and going to Aron's instead. (Looking back on it, I think we made the right decision)
Or that one day we all went to the Majestic.
Or when I was obsessed with Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy.
Or the day after Christmas.
Or Brookfield Square.
Or that day Jessie brought me McDonalds for breakfast.
Or plastic-wrapping Hemant and Warrens' cars.
Or Marco and Warco.
Or last Halloween.
Or back when we were all fine without being in relationships.
Or "How was Quinten/Clark last night?"
Or Minnesota.
I look back on all those things and wonder:
"In a few years, will I wish I could go back to now?"
I don't think so.
It's kind of sad, but I feel it's true.
I just don't know what's happened to me, but I miss the old days, the old me, the old us.
I want them back.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
In case I haven't, I love you Melissa.
=D
So, I was just kinda sitting around and felt like reading her blog.
Then I quoted it once.
So she decides to look up her name and start quoting all this stuff I said year(s?) ago.
And I totally don't remember saying any of that.
Even without hitting my face on the concrete...(most definitely a story for another day)
But it's kinda like, where did my awesomeness go?
I don't talk like that anymore.
And I kinda miss that.
You know, the days back when I could say "Oh, I didn't use capitalization or an apostrophe? Fuck it, I don't care."
Now it's more of "AHHHHH CRAP I FORGOT THERE ARE NO As IN DEFINITE!!!! GAHHH OMFG IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"
Ah, sometimes I wish I could go back in time.
There are so many things I miss.
Like, 8th grade band.
Or 7th grade in general.
Or back when we would all just go to Village Park after school and sit on the swings.
Or the Dollar Store raids where we would end up with $15 of junk each and think it was totally worth it.
Or when we used to play our instruments together for the hell of it.
Or the Kitty Notebook.
Or Rockband Parties.
Or last Homecoming.
Or the stupid seatbelt joke.
Or Australia.
Or adventures. (This is probably the single worst thing about everyone getting their driver's licenses.)
Or the last day of school.
Or last year's Summerfest.
Or Target.
Or biking to the movies. ("Wow, your pants are really tight!" "....")
Or having random chatrooms that always turned out to be the highlight of my week.
Or arranging songs that I had convinced myself that we would play together someday.
Or the grassy knoll.
Or New Years.
Or "Say no to blowjobs!"
Or the Bop-It.
Or all the movies we saw together.
Or the state game (Especially the bus ride there: "Holy shit, we picked the lucky bus! We just got through the railroad crossing when it was going down, and the last few lights!")
Or Falls Fest.
Or the trivia contest.
Or playing for Tori's church.
Or Heroes parties.
Or HYH.
Or jam-sessions.
Or eating ramen at 2 in the morning.
Or that one day everyone showed up at my house and we started playing Rockband.
Or baking that cake for Sam, then realizing it would be too far to walk it to him and going to Aron's instead. (Looking back on it, I think we made the right decision)
Or that one day we all went to the Majestic.
Or when I was obsessed with Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy.
Or the day after Christmas.
Or Brookfield Square.
Or that day Jessie brought me McDonalds for breakfast.
Or plastic-wrapping Hemant and Warrens' cars.
Or Marco and Warco.
Or last Halloween.
Or back when we were all fine without being in relationships.
Or "How was Quinten/Clark last night?"
Or Minnesota.
I look back on all those things and wonder:
"In a few years, will I wish I could go back to now?"
I don't think so.
It's kind of sad, but I feel it's true.
I just don't know what's happened to me, but I miss the old days, the old me, the old us.
I want them back.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
September 12, 2009
You're far too phony to fake it.
Well, hey blog.
It's been a while hasn't it?
A long while.
Probably because I've convinced myself that no one really cares enough to read what I think.
Or something to that extent...
But then, the real questions are:
Why the hell am I posting now?
Why not just leave it be?
R.I.P., blog?
Well, I felt obligated to.
Someone has to, goddamnit!
Also, it's not like I have anything better to do today, anyway.
It's just another weekend, same as the others.
Leanne has her soccer tournaments,
I'm stuck here alone,
and no one is online because it's before noon =P.
I hate being alone.
I guess I have a mild (?) fear of it.
I mean, I freak out sometimes.
Why would I want to sit alone unless I had a good reason?
I'd rather be out doing something meaningful to myself, at least.
Thinking like that only makes me want to get my license more.
Because, guess what? I finally had my 15.5 birthday!
On Thursday!
Yay, right?
I know you're excited, 'cause I am.
My driver's-ed class starts next week
and I guess I'm a little nervous,
mostly because I really hope I know someone that I can stand in that class.
If not, I guess I'll have to suffer for the next 5 weeks.
It should all be worth it in the end.
GAH
I'm crying a lot more lately, too.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I losing it?
Is it from the pain of getting my teeth pulled?
Or is it because everything seems to be falling apart just when I was getting myself together?
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Everyone's changing.
Everything's changing.
It makes me miss early summer.
Or 8th grade.
Or 7th grade.
The only good thing that has come out of this new school year
is that Leanne and I are almost close.
She didn't even fight when we had to sit next to each other on the bus.
And, even more, we had a normal conversation.
We still fight sometimes, but I feel as though we're actually making progress towards something.
I don't know.
I feel as though something has to be done today.
I can't just sit here.
Like, some project, or practicing, or working towards something, or cleaning.
Or biking?
My brain just keeps telling me there's something to do.
Will I bother to?
We'll just have to see, won't we?
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
It's been a while hasn't it?
A long while.
Probably because I've convinced myself that no one really cares enough to read what I think.
Or something to that extent...
But then, the real questions are:
Why the hell am I posting now?
Why not just leave it be?
R.I.P., blog?
Well, I felt obligated to.
Someone has to, goddamnit!
Also, it's not like I have anything better to do today, anyway.
It's just another weekend, same as the others.
Leanne has her soccer tournaments,
I'm stuck here alone,
and no one is online because it's before noon =P.
I hate being alone.
I guess I have a mild (?) fear of it.
I mean, I freak out sometimes.
Why would I want to sit alone unless I had a good reason?
I'd rather be out doing something meaningful to myself, at least.
Thinking like that only makes me want to get my license more.
Because, guess what? I finally had my 15.5 birthday!
On Thursday!
Yay, right?
I know you're excited, 'cause I am.
My driver's-ed class starts next week
and I guess I'm a little nervous,
mostly because I really hope I know someone that I can stand in that class.
If not, I guess I'll have to suffer for the next 5 weeks.
It should all be worth it in the end.
GAH
I'm crying a lot more lately, too.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I losing it?
Is it from the pain of getting my teeth pulled?
Or is it because everything seems to be falling apart just when I was getting myself together?
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Everyone's changing.
Everything's changing.
It makes me miss early summer.
Or 8th grade.
Or 7th grade.
The only good thing that has come out of this new school year
is that Leanne and I are almost close.
She didn't even fight when we had to sit next to each other on the bus.
And, even more, we had a normal conversation.
We still fight sometimes, but I feel as though we're actually making progress towards something.
I don't know.
I feel as though something has to be done today.
I can't just sit here.
Like, some project, or practicing, or working towards something, or cleaning.
Or biking?
My brain just keeps telling me there's something to do.
Will I bother to?
We'll just have to see, won't we?
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
June 19, 2009
I was so lost, but now I believe.
Yeah
Hey, blog
What's up?
It's been quite a while.
To start with, exams.
Sucked so much this year.
So.
Much.
Gah.
The exams themselves, not the general time in school.
Buuuuuut,
I aced most of them (A- in English)
and I got As in most of my classes (A- in Honors Science [an impossible class], P in FLS [would have been an A, but i took the class Pass/Fail, so whatever])
And comparing this year to last year
I know so many more people in my grade.
And, it's not so much the knowing part, but I'm actually starting to like a lot more people.
Which is a good thing, I guess.
I'd gladly give examples, but there's something else on my mind.
Any guesses what it may be?
Well, I'm not in a great mood right now.
I was thinking again about how my friends treat me.
And a decent amount of the time, I end up with the answer "like crap"
A good example of this was yesterday.
I was supposed to go to Walgreens with Tori, because I said I wanted to buy more nail polish (that happens sometimes, =D)
So know what happens?
She invites Jason.
Of course.
Of course.
I guess I was just being stupid thinking that it could just be us two for something like that.
Guess I was wrong.
I hate so much being the third wheel, and that ALWAYS happens to whoever is with them.
I'm starting to get really sick of it.
Oh well. Aaaaaaaaaanyway.
Somewhere on the way there, we were all talking.
And I swear, one of them said to me,
"You are buying us something, right?"
I swear, my mind kind of went "WHAT?!?"
How many times have I had to buy anything for those two?
Especially Tori.
She owes me well over $200 by now.
And she should know that.
But, keeping that in mind,
Think of how many times THEY'VE bought me anything.
Almost never, if at all.
And I already know what their excuse would be.
"Stop being so selfish/materialistic!"
But, seriously.
I like doing things for myself, too.
Not just other people.
Know how much money I spent last Friday?
Somewhere around $50.
And want to guess how much I spent on myself?
Let me do the math.
$50-$10 (for Warren's hair dye)=$40. $40-$5 (for the toothbrushes)=$35. $35-($31-$8) (for the pizza, minus the money Tyne gave me for her and Tori)=$9.
$9 for a whole fucking day, that's all I spent on myself
the other $41?
For everyone else.
That's for everyone who calls me selfish.
And if you do, fuck you.
Because I'm really getting sick of this.
No more.
I'm not spending money on people who don't appreciate me.
Not anymore.
(I'm not even bringing up the whole birthday thing again)
Actually, I seriously want anyone who owes me money to finally pay me back.
Because I'm so damn sick of never having anything left for myself.
(I'm down to $18 now.)
And if you need to know how much you owe me, seriously talk to me.
Because I rarely forget.
And this whole thing is really starting to piss me off.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
Hey, blog
What's up?
It's been quite a while.
To start with, exams.
Sucked so much this year.
So.
Much.
Gah.
The exams themselves, not the general time in school.
Buuuuuut,
I aced most of them (A- in English)
and I got As in most of my classes (A- in Honors Science [an impossible class], P in FLS [would have been an A, but i took the class Pass/Fail, so whatever])
And comparing this year to last year
I know so many more people in my grade.
And, it's not so much the knowing part, but I'm actually starting to like a lot more people.
Which is a good thing, I guess.
I'd gladly give examples, but there's something else on my mind.
Any guesses what it may be?
Well, I'm not in a great mood right now.
I was thinking again about how my friends treat me.
And a decent amount of the time, I end up with the answer "like crap"
A good example of this was yesterday.
I was supposed to go to Walgreens with Tori, because I said I wanted to buy more nail polish (that happens sometimes, =D)
So know what happens?
She invites Jason.
Of course.
Of course.
I guess I was just being stupid thinking that it could just be us two for something like that.
Guess I was wrong.
I hate so much being the third wheel, and that ALWAYS happens to whoever is with them.
I'm starting to get really sick of it.
Oh well. Aaaaaaaaaanyway.
Somewhere on the way there, we were all talking.
And I swear, one of them said to me,
"You are buying us something, right?"
I swear, my mind kind of went "WHAT?!?"
How many times have I had to buy anything for those two?
Especially Tori.
She owes me well over $200 by now.
And she should know that.
But, keeping that in mind,
Think of how many times THEY'VE bought me anything.
Almost never, if at all.
And I already know what their excuse would be.
"Stop being so selfish/materialistic!"
But, seriously.
I like doing things for myself, too.
Not just other people.
Know how much money I spent last Friday?
Somewhere around $50.
And want to guess how much I spent on myself?
Let me do the math.
$50-$10 (for Warren's hair dye)=$40. $40-$5 (for the toothbrushes)=$35. $35-($31-$8) (for the pizza, minus the money Tyne gave me for her and Tori)=$9.
$9 for a whole fucking day, that's all I spent on myself
the other $41?
For everyone else.
That's for everyone who calls me selfish.
And if you do, fuck you.
Because I'm really getting sick of this.
No more.
I'm not spending money on people who don't appreciate me.
Not anymore.
(I'm not even bringing up the whole birthday thing again)
Actually, I seriously want anyone who owes me money to finally pay me back.
Because I'm so damn sick of never having anything left for myself.
(I'm down to $18 now.)
And if you need to know how much you owe me, seriously talk to me.
Because I rarely forget.
And this whole thing is really starting to piss me off.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
May 13, 2009
And there was no sunlight
...
nothing like kicking a person when they're down, eh?
"oh sorry, we're only going until 7:30 today"
bull fucking shit
I don't buy that
I put off my plans because I seriously thought there was going to be practice today
I really just want to say,
"oh! you all got me!
real fucking funny
you really suck at lying, all of you
you might as well have said
"'oh, hell. we decided we don't fucking need you.'"
I mean, calling from Jason's phone?
couldn't have made it much more obvious that it was just a lie
and, then, even
it's wasn't my fault it went so short anyway if we were only going to be there for 2 hours or whatever
if you weren't trying to be selfish, you would've remembered that
instead of "needing extra practice"
and I even bet that after that, everyone went to the band concert without me too
whatever
i really don't want to hear it
liars always pissed me off.
and the kicking someone when they're down part?
yeah
none of you would fucking get it
but one of my friends who I haven't been really close to for a while
something horrible happened to someone in her family
but none of you would care, huh?
I've been crying almost all day today because of it
my heart has literally been hurting because of how bad it was
and i promised not to talk about it with anyone
but it hurt like hell to keep it in
i ended up telling my mom
obviously, she didn't really get it
it'd be difficult
i still don't really believe it
but i guess i feel a little better about it
hardly
I was sitting in my room a little after I got home
and i was thinking (and still crying, a little)
I don't really know if I have anyone who would do what I've been doing for me if I were in that situation
I just really don't.
It made me consider different decisions I've been making lately
Many haven't been great
at all
I've never been great with decisions.
I'm going to work on that.
Starting with my priorities.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
nothing like kicking a person when they're down, eh?
"oh sorry, we're only going until 7:30 today"
bull fucking shit
I don't buy that
I put off my plans because I seriously thought there was going to be practice today
I really just want to say,
"oh! you all got me!
real fucking funny
you really suck at lying, all of you
you might as well have said
"'oh, hell. we decided we don't fucking need you.'"
I mean, calling from Jason's phone?
couldn't have made it much more obvious that it was just a lie
and, then, even
it's wasn't my fault it went so short anyway if we were only going to be there for 2 hours or whatever
if you weren't trying to be selfish, you would've remembered that
instead of "needing extra practice"
and I even bet that after that, everyone went to the band concert without me too
whatever
i really don't want to hear it
liars always pissed me off.
and the kicking someone when they're down part?
yeah
none of you would fucking get it
but one of my friends who I haven't been really close to for a while
something horrible happened to someone in her family
but none of you would care, huh?
I've been crying almost all day today because of it
my heart has literally been hurting because of how bad it was
and i promised not to talk about it with anyone
but it hurt like hell to keep it in
i ended up telling my mom
obviously, she didn't really get it
it'd be difficult
i still don't really believe it
but i guess i feel a little better about it
hardly
I was sitting in my room a little after I got home
and i was thinking (and still crying, a little)
I don't really know if I have anyone who would do what I've been doing for me if I were in that situation
I just really don't.
It made me consider different decisions I've been making lately
Many haven't been great
at all
I've never been great with decisions.
I'm going to work on that.
Starting with my priorities.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
May 08, 2009
This, our second chance, is blown
Whoa
New Quietdrive CD came out, I guess
thats pretty cool, though
cause theyre coming to summerfest on the 4 of july
and they're playing with anberlin, even!
If they aren't headlining, I'd love to go!
as a matter of fact, I'd go anyway!
but thatd be just more of a pain
if you didn't know, I'm grounded
my parents are a pain
*sigh*
oh, and WS tryouts were this week
I think I did okay
a lot of people really don't know how they did
I even asked Katie Woger, and she thought she didn't do well
but we all know she's probably gonna make it
cause she's Katie, and that's what happens.
I think it's posting on monday
I already promised to call Sky as soon as school's out to tell her how I did
but it'd suck if it were bad news
a lot
I hate giving bad news
I don't know why, but everything seems to be moving faster and faster lately
I'm trying to keep up, but it's so difficult
I have too many things I want to do
and so much that I'm expected to do that gets in the way
I can kinda sympathize with adults in that way
Having to give up something you want for something you're expected to do
It takes a lot out of a person
For the first time in my life, I really can't wait for summer
completely
school, be done already!
oh, know what else?
hm, a little about me:
I can't lie
I hate when I can't tell people's motives
I forget almost everything
I'm good with birthdays
Music is about the only thing that can calm me down
My eyes change colors with my moods
I think I look really stupid when I cry
I know what I have to do in order to be successful, I just don't have the motivation
I overanalyze everything
I can tell it's going to be a good day when certain songs come on when I'm on the bus in the morning
I miss free time
I really don't like to listen to girl singers. The higher pitch bugs me.
When I get bored, I do math in my head. Most of the time, it's either factoring stuff or imagining different outcomes when using 3, 5, and 7 (adding, multiplying, whatever)
And I REALLY hate it when people treat me like I'm stupid.
That's all
Later, blog.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
New Quietdrive CD came out, I guess
thats pretty cool, though
cause theyre coming to summerfest on the 4 of july
and they're playing with anberlin, even!
If they aren't headlining, I'd love to go!
as a matter of fact, I'd go anyway!
but thatd be just more of a pain
if you didn't know, I'm grounded
my parents are a pain
*sigh*
oh, and WS tryouts were this week
I think I did okay
a lot of people really don't know how they did
I even asked Katie Woger, and she thought she didn't do well
but we all know she's probably gonna make it
cause she's Katie, and that's what happens.
I think it's posting on monday
I already promised to call Sky as soon as school's out to tell her how I did
but it'd suck if it were bad news
a lot
I hate giving bad news
I don't know why, but everything seems to be moving faster and faster lately
I'm trying to keep up, but it's so difficult
I have too many things I want to do
and so much that I'm expected to do that gets in the way
I can kinda sympathize with adults in that way
Having to give up something you want for something you're expected to do
It takes a lot out of a person
For the first time in my life, I really can't wait for summer
completely
school, be done already!
oh, know what else?
hm, a little about me:
I can't lie
I hate when I can't tell people's motives
I forget almost everything
I'm good with birthdays
Music is about the only thing that can calm me down
My eyes change colors with my moods
I think I look really stupid when I cry
I know what I have to do in order to be successful, I just don't have the motivation
I overanalyze everything
I can tell it's going to be a good day when certain songs come on when I'm on the bus in the morning
I miss free time
I really don't like to listen to girl singers. The higher pitch bugs me.
When I get bored, I do math in my head. Most of the time, it's either factoring stuff or imagining different outcomes when using 3, 5, and 7 (adding, multiplying, whatever)
And I REALLY hate it when people treat me like I'm stupid.
That's all
Later, blog.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
May 01, 2009
*sigh*
Why, hello there ^.^
Happy 100th post
sorry it took so long XD
I've been busy
with (preparing) wind symphony tryouts
and spring break
and hanging out
and being sick
and whatever else
...
oh yeah, and softball
and while I'm talking about it
may I say here that I'm sure as hell not planning on doing it again next year
1) I value my free time
2) I don't want to come home feeling gross everyday
3) Fuck running
4) I miss taking the bus home with Tori
5) I'm sick of most of the people on the team
6) I hate being told what to wear whatever days we have games (fuck that, that's half the time!)
and the list goes on and on
so you can see
why I'm aggravated
Also, for the first real time ever
I'm really glad that school's almost out
I'm sick of this huge homework surge that comes with the end of the year
and being so tired that my brain doesn't work right anymore
and answering half the questions asked to me with "huh?"
it makes me feel retarded
which isn't fun all the time
especially not when I know the answer
I just kinda want it to be done and over with
now.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
Happy 100th post
sorry it took so long XD
I've been busy
with (preparing) wind symphony tryouts
and spring break
and hanging out
and being sick
and whatever else
...
oh yeah, and softball
and while I'm talking about it
may I say here that I'm sure as hell not planning on doing it again next year
1) I value my free time
2) I don't want to come home feeling gross everyday
3) Fuck running
4) I miss taking the bus home with Tori
5) I'm sick of most of the people on the team
6) I hate being told what to wear whatever days we have games (fuck that, that's half the time!)
and the list goes on and on
so you can see
why I'm aggravated
Also, for the first real time ever
I'm really glad that school's almost out
I'm sick of this huge homework surge that comes with the end of the year
and being so tired that my brain doesn't work right anymore
and answering half the questions asked to me with "huh?"
it makes me feel retarded
which isn't fun all the time
especially not when I know the answer
I just kinda want it to be done and over with
now.
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
March 26, 2009
Old enough to know but too young to care
Hm
I really don't have anything I feel like posting about
other than, if you saw me laughing in the hallway today (XD)
it was about
"My locker was being a total dick!"
(please, don't try to understand)
...
oh!
and
I wrote this poem one night really fast for my English homework
and, well
I like how it turned out
think of it what you wish.
Guilt
Out of desperation, we act upon impulses
What a horrible move on our part
Our decisions leaving us worry free for a time
Then, all of a sudden
It hits harder than before
Eating at your thoughts
Preventing even the simplest tasks
Is there any escape from this torture?
Sure, we can blame others
To lead our minds from the truth:
We are the only ones to blame
Soon enough, the feeling builds
Taking over
Feeling as though there’s no other way out
We confess
And though it’s a wonderful feeling to be freed from such a curse
We can’t help but have our minds wander
Back to that time
Which we can never take back
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
I really don't have anything I feel like posting about
other than, if you saw me laughing in the hallway today (XD)
it was about
"My locker was being a total dick!"
(please, don't try to understand)
...
oh!
and
I wrote this poem one night really fast for my English homework
and, well
I like how it turned out
think of it what you wish.
Guilt
Out of desperation, we act upon impulses
What a horrible move on our part
Our decisions leaving us worry free for a time
Then, all of a sudden
It hits harder than before
Eating at your thoughts
Preventing even the simplest tasks
Is there any escape from this torture?
Sure, we can blame others
To lead our minds from the truth:
We are the only ones to blame
Soon enough, the feeling builds
Taking over
Feeling as though there’s no other way out
We confess
And though it’s a wonderful feeling to be freed from such a curse
We can’t help but have our minds wander
Back to that time
Which we can never take back
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
March 24, 2009
And let me know that you'll be here when I am gone...
Know what?
lately, I can't tell which way my life is going
in the sense, I just can't choose between one thing or the other
Friends or Softball?
Fun or Homework?
Lying or Being too truthful?
French classes or Flute lessons?
A new band or Another CD by one I know I'll like?
Band camp or Wasting my summer?
Something productive or Blogging? (I'm only half kidding)
Every little decision seems to have made itself into something massive
appearing to change my entire life if I somehow choose wrong
and it seems to be that is what happens the majority of the time.
I mean, there's so much I want to do!
I want to take up another instrument, learn another language, take another trip, compose another song
there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it.
and it's killing me on the inside
my parents keep telling me that I don't seem to have my priorities in place
and I guess most of the time, I don't
but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy with what I do
I love spending time with my friends outside of school
I love arranging songs with Finale
I love learning Spanish and attempting to teach myself French
I love my flute and piccolo
I love my huge library of music
I love having friends who I can cry to
I love wearing my glasses
I love being open about how much of a nerd I am (Did you just say Runescape?!?!?)
I love being comfortable as myself
I love letting my room get so cluttered that no one else can find anything (but I can still find everything right away)
I love not knowing what's going to happen next when I'm with certain people
I love sharing stale M&Ms and a-la-carte cookies with Tori on the bus, along with the random arguements we end up in that just seem to always get us strange looks from both our busdriver and Sam no matter what
I love knowing my positive aspects, as well as the negatives
I love getting strange looks when I laugh out loud at the things in my head.
I love having just a few people who understand me
I love randomly drifting off during class or when I'm playing Audiosurf
I love letting my creativity flow in the millions of random notebooks I own (with my "happy pens")
but it seems like I just can't commit enough time to any or all of them to make it worthwhile in the end.
and its just so DAMN FRUSTRATING
*sigh*
I have no clue what I'm doing anymore
oh well
off to my portfolio!
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
lately, I can't tell which way my life is going
in the sense, I just can't choose between one thing or the other
Friends or Softball?
Fun or Homework?
Lying or Being too truthful?
French classes or Flute lessons?
A new band or Another CD by one I know I'll like?
Band camp or Wasting my summer?
Something productive or Blogging? (I'm only half kidding)
Every little decision seems to have made itself into something massive
appearing to change my entire life if I somehow choose wrong
and it seems to be that is what happens the majority of the time.
I mean, there's so much I want to do!
I want to take up another instrument, learn another language, take another trip, compose another song
there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it.
and it's killing me on the inside
my parents keep telling me that I don't seem to have my priorities in place
and I guess most of the time, I don't
but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy with what I do
I love spending time with my friends outside of school
I love arranging songs with Finale
I love learning Spanish and attempting to teach myself French
I love my flute and piccolo
I love my huge library of music
I love having friends who I can cry to
I love wearing my glasses
I love being open about how much of a nerd I am (Did you just say Runescape?!?!?)
I love being comfortable as myself
I love letting my room get so cluttered that no one else can find anything (but I can still find everything right away)
I love not knowing what's going to happen next when I'm with certain people
I love sharing stale M&Ms and a-la-carte cookies with Tori on the bus, along with the random arguements we end up in that just seem to always get us strange looks from both our busdriver and Sam no matter what
I love knowing my positive aspects, as well as the negatives
I love getting strange looks when I laugh out loud at the things in my head.
I love having just a few people who understand me
I love randomly drifting off during class or when I'm playing Audiosurf
I love letting my creativity flow in the millions of random notebooks I own (with my "happy pens")
but it seems like I just can't commit enough time to any or all of them to make it worthwhile in the end.
and its just so DAMN FRUSTRATING
*sigh*
I have no clue what I'm doing anymore
oh well
off to my portfolio!
______________________________________________________________________
"If I had a choice between you and me, I'd gladly choose you."
*insert some sort of smiley face here*
*insert witty comment here*
*some more smiley faces*
*maybe a few song lyrics*
*repeat until satisfied or signature is insanely long and people start complaining*
A poem of sorrow
While writing it, would you dance with me?
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