"It's like you're making out with 3 people at once!"
"Tori, you better keep Aron happy, or he might trade you to another team."
"I think there's a special spot in hell for the huge starfish."
"Okay, here's a spoiler about the Bible: *quieter* Jesus dies and comes back to life!"
"Shut up, guys! This is another good poo!"
"I'm learning Spanish and Russian, so I can speak Russian to Spanish people."
"Well, our 'parties' usually consist of all of us being in one place eating food."
"Melissa will be one of those people who kills someone and wakes up in the morning saying, 'Oh my God! A body!'"
"Stalker people Google their address, go to their house and masturbate outside of their window. It's stalker love."
"Pringles aren't real potato chips! They don't even taste like potatoes! They're probably just little pieces of potatoes glued together."
"Tori, didn't we already discuss the physics of how your face is your mom?"
"Melissa's voice is really high. The least she could do is grow 1 testicle..."
"Of course I wasn't paying attention to you guys, I had to deal with a crazy mother-in-law!"
A Strange Logic
Tori: What happened to your hand?
Warren: I wrote on it.
Tori: Why?
Warren: To remind myself where to go.
Me: But it's all just random scribbles...
Warren: Of course! It's so if my hand gets chopped off and someone finds it they won't know where I'm going, they'll just be like "What the fuck?"
Hidden Meanings
Me: I'm listening to an emo song.
Warren: You mean like when Aron sings the national anthem at him and Tori's baseball games?
...Of Course!
Me: You shouldn't buy something unless you know for sure you're gonna like it or its cheap enough that it doesn't matter.
Warren: Like a hooker.
You Had To Be There
Mel: Your hair is so cool! *reaches*
Warren: *swats at Melissa's arm* Don't touch it! If you pull hard enough it'll break off!
People's Horoscopes |
No comments:
Post a Comment