Out Of My Mind...: Hmmmm

Featuring: Myself

Background: Well, uhm. Me!

"I didn't want a love story."

"$10 isn't spoiling, it's welfare."

"Hobo nuking was an international sport in the '90s!"

"Do something amazing, Tori!"

"Hey, don't cheat! No choking the competition!"

"We're nerds, Melodie. We look up words in the dictionary for fun."

"You make me cut myself in a corner, and I make you use a British accent."

...Still Technically A Contribution...
Melodie: "In what ways does you ideal citizen contribute to society?"
Me: WE SHOULD MAKE HER A STRIPPER!

Why Not?
Me: ...I feel like I get brain-raped a lot...
Tori: Brain-raped?
Me: Uh, yeah! It's what I say instead of confused.
Tori: ...But why?
Me: Because it sounds cooler!

Hyper-Spastic Deanna + YouTube Messaging = HOLY SHIT
Me: and then you're gonna dig up my body and stare at it? Huh, bitch? *I'M IMMORTAL!!! NO GUN WILL EVER KILL ME!*
Mel: BUT u said u wnted lethal i gave u lethal and duh no one ever gets killed in my imagination becuz i believe in zombies (THEN i stab u in the head and kill u DUH!)
Me: I'M A FUCKING IMMORTAL I DON'T DIE!!!! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME DAMMIT!!! You wanna see my lethal? It's way the hell better than yours *Takes your head and sticks it in the toilet, drowning you in your own shit-water.*

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CHILD?!? Other Than Everything, I Mean
Me: You know, if you add the prefix -age to a -
Kurt and Melodie: That's a suffix.
Me: LET ME FINISH! As I was saying, add the suffix -age to a word and it makes it sound that much cooler! Though it doesn't work for every word...
Kurt: Fridge-age!
Me: A perfect example of how not to use it. Thanks, dumbass...

How To Explain This...
Tori: What are you doing to his head?
Me: *holding baritone above Aron's head* Uhm, I'm not even sure...

Spur-Of-The-Moment Thinking
Mr. Penisten: Deanna, what's your assignment?
Me: Well, I got restaurant manager.
Mr. Penisten: Restaurant manager. So how would you be good at that?
Me: I can be a good leader when I want to, and I'm good at taking crap from people.
Mr. Penisten: *laughs* Well, that's the kind of attitude you need for customer service.

Deanna's Hyper Again...
Sky: im as lucky as the lucky charm guy!
Me: nope, i sniped him today... "NOT SO LUCKY NOW, ARE YOU BITCH?"

Try To Keep Up
Aron: *grabs Tori's Solo and Ensemble packet from her and starts writing something on it*
Tori: What are you doing?
Me: Probably drawing his dick on the page... looks pretty small, so it's probably actual size
Tori: It is
Me: You would know!
Warren: Racist! (to my first comment)
Me: *thinks* Oh! *laughs* I forgot about the whole thing about Asians having little penises.
Tori: What?!?

A Deadly Mistake
Vickie: Piccolo? Isn't that like a little clarinet?
Me: I'm going to kill you for that...

Stupid Spam Email
Me: Aww
Tori: What?
Me: According to the internet, my penis is too small!
Tori: XD

As To How Exactly This Happened, I'm Unsure
Mel: Not the butter knife...
Me: BE JEALOUS OF MY BUTTER KNIFE EMO-NESS!

Things Come Full Circle
Mel: sawry voice in head says i gotta leave....ya no the conscience u dont have
Me: fuck, i have a conciense
Mel: heh jealous...voices talk to me!
Me: it was just eaten by my pessimism and anger
Mel: as if ...oh rite i ate it when u slept.
Me: they just screamed "YOU PUSSY!"
Mel: two conscience now bitch
Me: and it died of sadness... either that, or it went emo
Mel: wow *funeral dress* i would like to say a few words for the departed
Me: i know two for you: "YOU PUSSY" ...pwnd.

Featuring: Emma

Background: Well, I can't really put it in any simpler terms than she's: Emma. I've known her since sometime around 2nd grade. Beatles obsesser, dating Alex (yes, we all know), and can come off as an extreme goody-goody.

"Well, he's like 'it's seven, wink wink' and i said 'we aren't stupid, this IS math club..."

"What can I say about my girlfriend?"

"MY Alex?!?"

"Of course we're all desperate, why do you think that we spend our Wednesdays at Math Club?"

Always Funny
Emma: Hey Tyler!
Tyler: What?
Emma: 132!
Tyler: DAMN YOU *punches Emma hard*

You'd Think She Would've Considered This First
Emma: I can't understand any word that has more than two sylables...
Me: *counts* But sylable has 3 sylables itself...?

Are You Sure?
Mrs. Gidley: Emma's a boy?
Me: Yes
Emma: I Am?

Featuring: Kurt

Background: Melodie's twin freak. Scared to swear/say anything that has the word "sex" in it, or has anything to do with it (i.e. masturbate)

"I smoke pot and weed."

"Did you want to hear a racist joke?"

"Excellent..."

Not Only In Our Minds...
Melodie: When Kurt gets his cell phone, he's going to have *impression of Kurt* "Excellent" as his ringtone. It's going to be: "Excellent...Excellent...Excellent..."
Me: "Kurt your phone is ringing" *imaginary Kurt* "Excellent."
Melodie: *imaginary Kurt again* "Please leave an Excellent message after the Excellent beep. Excellent."

We Already Knew This Would Happen
Me: Who would even try to have sex with a tree... you?
Kurt: Brandon.
Me:...and you. It'll be a three-way with the tree!

Not In A Million Years...
Me: Let me use your pen.
Kurt: *Puts pen in pocket* You can get it yourself if you'd like...
Me: EW! I'm not gonna stick my hand in your pants!

Yet Another "Kurt Is Gay" Convo.
Kurt: Brandon and Justin like playing with their Wii.
Me: No, they like playing with your Wii.
Kurt: Yup. Wait, what?

Featuring: Melissa

Background: Hyper-spaz and "her own bitch". Has definately learned to stand up for herself in the year I've known her.

"What the hell, Warren."

"Bonerific!"

"Emo people only hurt themselves becuz they're wusses who can't hurt others"

"Oh.... I lost the game DAMNIT!"

"What the hell... IS THIS HAM?!?"

"Well, I was just calling you to tell you Cody's on pot and Taylor's going to be okay!"

"That would just be weird: 'Hey Warren, why are your pants so chunky?' 'Potatoes -.-'"

"Do you know what a pedophile is?"

"Whoa, that guy in the other car is ugly. He looks like Warren!"

"NO, it's GO SUCK A DICK. You can't just improv. it..."

"Ohmygilbert, a nosering... that's so sexy. You know, David has a nosering...."

"AHHHH you put raisins in my virtual cookie!"

"All men are pervs even the gay one's they still wanna get in girl's pants and see porn"

Trust Issues
Mel: *Runs up to Me* Quinten said he said yes.
Me: Okay... but do you really trust Quinten?
Mel: Exactly!

An Honest Mistake
Mel: ok..i'll send what pooped up after the dot.
Me: "pooped"? oh wow ^.^
Tori: LOL thats going on my blog

Our Very Different Musical Tastes
Mel: What would u classify "Fergilicious" as??
Me: Fergie womanizing herself
Mel: -.- I meant like "pop, r&b"
Me: Uhhhhhh, shit?
Mel: XD...no

First Day Of Semester Two
Mel: But me and Tori are trying to figure out if Jello is a solid or a liquid!
Tori: We still can't tell...

Only Slightly Confusing Out Of Context
Mel: What the hell did Tori put in that cookie?
Me: Probably pot...

Warren/Homecoming
Mel: He wont go
Me: We could make bets
Mel: And yippee if he doesn't or it would be like "this is stupid...-.-...I wanna go home...no Melissa, Danielle is not my lover."

Mel Making Her Point
Mel: Well, how you say that you get mad at Warren? He's okay...
Me: Did you just say he's gay?
Mel: No, but what do you expect me to say? He's our friend!
Me: I don't know, that you want to get in his pants...?

An Obvious Comment
Me:*imagining mel actually screwin the computer...*
Mel: wait wat kind of screw?
Me: like fuck screw
Mel: oh...would'nt that hurt like REALLY bad
Me: you dont have a dick

Featuring: Melodie

Background: Fraternal twin of Kurt. Dictatorly personality, and is planning to rule over Germany someday, with her loyal followers, the Crethans.

"And then the Australians are like 'WTF, mate?' "

"Meanwhile, Kurt just plays Oregon Trail to see if he can get to Alaska..."

"And how much can you write about 'this plan will never work. EVER'? "

"So, my dad applied to be district manager at Burger King..."

We Should Have Considered This Sooner
Me: Oh yeah, don't forget to get your citations for our project!
Melodie: Okay. Wait, how the hell am I supposed to cite Oregon Trail?

Emo Melodie
Me: Oh my God, Melodie! You cut yourself?
Melodie: I was trying to see if the knife was sharp!

Yet Another Normal Day In Social Studies
Me: Torture chamber music? Is that like all the violas playing at once?
Melodie: No, it's more like Demitris playing violin.
Me: Demitris sucks at violin?
Melodie: Demitris sucks at everything.

Featuring: Tori

Background: Heroes loving pushover. Can get EXTREMELY competitive at times.

"We're in band, that makes us closer than blood."

"Say 'No' to blowjobs."

"Egyptian Rat Screw? That sounds like a position."

"So your brain shat itself?"

"You've got video games! You don't get to be bored."

"SHUT UP!!!"

"Have you ever noticed how like 3/4 of the things you do are emo?"

"I think the treatment was, 'Roll in the dirt and sing to the camera, but it'll be shot at weird angles so it'll be amazing! And then it's gonna rain and you'll be muddy and amazing!'"

"So I followed your soul. Turns out it wasn't yours. It was just some crying baby with a headband, but it did look an awful lot like you."

"Warren was never innocent."

"She's her own bitch!"

"COOKIE PORN!"

"Don't you find it a bit ironic that the baby stuff is in the same aisle as the condoms?"

"No, clapping your hands IS NOT like rape!"

"I'm not going to say anything, but you know I'm upset."

"And to those who don't know Rachel Batcher: You lucky bastard."

Just Wondering
Tori: ...SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
Me: I bet everytime she says "shut up" is another time she and Aron got to 'home base'
Tori: WHAT?!?!?
Warren: Sure
Me: But the real question here is, how many times is that, exactly? Tori?
Tori: None!!!
Me: Then we should ask Aron..
Me and Warren: Aron!
Aron: What?
Me: Give us a high number.
Aron: Why?
Me: Just say one.
Aron: 0
Me: Other than 0.
Aron: Fine. 6,000,000.
Me: That many times?!?
Warren: Wow Tori, you're busy, aren't you?
Me: Is that even possible?
Tori: No!!! We haven't done it! EVER!

Tori Tells A Kick-Ass Short Story
Me: So, the chat died, i guess?
Tori: No, it's still there.
Me: Is it?
Tori: In fact, the chat went out, got drunk and had a baby. We're all in baby chats now. Sorry you missed it.
Me: ...What the heck? Whatever drugs youre doing, can I have some?
Tori: I'm tired and you asked a stupid question.

Featuring: Warren

Background: Seems to need a while before he can be okay with people. Very competitive and thinks he's always right. Also uses big words, though we know it's just to confuse everyone else. When pissed, he gets quite bitchy (as in he goes straight for the person's self-esteem, and CRUSHES it.)

"Of course we need big words! How else can you say that you're against no establishment without Antidisesablishmentarianism?"

"It's like you're making out with 3 people at once!"

"Tori, you better keep Aron happy, or he might trade you to another team."

"I think there's a special spot in hell for the huge starfish."

"Okay, here's a spoiler about the Bible: *quieter* Jesus dies and comes back to life!"

"Shut up, guys! This is another good poo!"

"I'm learning Spanish and Russian, so I can speak Russian to Spanish people."

"Well, our 'parties' usually consist of all of us being in one place eating food."

"Melissa will be one of those people who kills someone and wakes up in the morning saying, 'Oh my God! A body!'"

"Stalker people Google their address, go to their house and masturbate outside of their window. It's stalker love."

"Pringles aren't real potato chips! They don't even taste like potatoes! They're probably just little pieces of potatoes glued together."

"Tori, didn't we already discuss the physics of how your face is your mom?"

"Melissa's voice is really high. The least she could do is grow 1 testicle..."

"Of course I wasn't paying attention to you guys, I had to deal with a crazy mother-in-law!"

A Strange Logic
Tori: What happened to your hand?
Warren: I wrote on it.
Tori: Why?
Warren: To remind myself where to go.
Me: But it's all just random scribbles...
Warren: Of course! It's so if my hand gets chopped off and someone finds it they won't know where I'm going, they'll just be like "What the fuck?"

Hidden Meanings
Me: I'm listening to an emo song.
Warren: You mean like when Aron sings the national anthem at him and Tori's baseball games?

...Of Course!
Me: You shouldn't buy something unless you know for sure you're gonna like it or its cheap enough that it doesn't matter.
Warren: Like a hooker.

You Had To Be There
Mel: Your hair is so cool! *reaches*
Warren: *swats at Melissa's arm* Don't touch it! If you pull hard enough it'll break off!

Featuring: Well, random people.

"As a scientist, what are your views on Chuck Norris?"

Alex: Hey Tyler, remember that day you didn't talk? I really liked that day.

"When is Cinco De Mayo?"

Zach: Black was a color in kindergarden and it's still a color when we're in 9th grade!

Mark: Oh, you aren't ugly. If you were ugly, I wouldn't talk to you. I'm just that shallow.

Megan: So you have four moods: happy, sad, weird, and peeing.

Tyler: I'm an ajar door!

Jessie: I can't wait to see you drunk!

Caleb: Hey Mrs. Meske, give me a hard one.

Spencer: I forgot my Mp3 player today, so now I have to listen to black people screaming.

It Really Would
Me: Well, you could work hard and lose everything, or be deformed.
Melodie: Or you could be Demitris.
Kurt: That would suck.

The Last Thing I Needed To Know
Jesse: I'm gonna go paintball his house!
Me: What the hell, you have a gun too?!?
Jesse: We're a very safety-conscious community.

Two Meanings To Everything
Elizabeth: So, are you reading Holes for pleasure or for class?
Me: Whoa, what are you implying by "pleasure"?
Me and Miranda: *Laugh hysterically*
Miranda: If you wouldn't have pointed that out, I wouldn't have thought of it!
Elizabeth: You know that I didn't mean it that way!

We All Know Why This Is Funny, Right?
Mrs. Meske: ¿A que hora es la fiesta?
TF: La fiesta es la taco!

Is THAT What The Stripper Pocket Is For?
Warren: *pulling singles out of his pocket*
Amanda: Dang Warren, what have you been doing?

Something You Can't Even See On The Discovery Channel
All: *staring at the bunny*
Becka: what's it doing?
Kelly: I think it's cleaning it(s baby)...
Me: OHMYGOD IT'S EATING ITS BABY! It's like rabbit cannibalism!
Kelly: DAMN YOU PETER COTTONTAIL! DAMN YOU!

Featuring: My Teachers

Another "Oh Shit" Moment
Me: *to Adrianna* Stop feeling up on my leg!
Mr. Fox: *Walks near table, hears this, and stops* Whoa! I don't want to hear about anyone feeling up on anyone's anything!

In All Seriousness
Mr. Penisten: What's the best you can hope for?
Me: That Melodie doesn't become dictator of Germany like she planned.
Mr. Penisten: *Walks away* Well, it seems you aren't taking this seriously...

Mr. Penisten: So you made your super citizen Spiderman?

Ms. Rechlicz: Don't tell your parents that I told you to flirt with old men!

A Little Too Close For Comfort
Mr. Woger: You aren't letting the cymbals ring! they should be like *arm movements* shing! but they actually sound like *different arm movements* THUCK!
Whole class: *laughing hysterically*

Out Of My Mind...

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April 21, 2008

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